


New Years Child

by SumiSprite



Category: Rise of the Guardians (2012)
Genre: But they try, Everybody loves Pitch, Except Bunny, Nanny Guardians, Other, Papa!Bear Pitch, Pitch is BAMF, Pitch is Father of the Century, Pitch's actual A+ Parenting, Sumi is a stupid lil squiddy - Freeform, The Guardians D-Parenting, The Guardians fail at babysitting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-02
Updated: 2017-01-14
Packaged: 2018-03-28 17:59:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 40,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3864379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SumiSprite/pseuds/SumiSprite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt FILL from the RotG KINKmeme - Just because you're called 'The Guardians of Childhood' apparently doesn't mean you know a damn thing about children and how to take care of them, less so how to make them stop crying. And apparently other spirits aren't too savvy on childcare themselves. Enter Pitch Black.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Repost from my FF.net page! And cause there isn't enough BAMF!Pitch in the world. lol  
> Enjoy!
> 
> ~S~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ANNOUNCEMENT!   
> All chapters of 'New Years Child' have been edited by yours truly! I have not run them by a Beta, so any and all leftover mistakes are mine!
> 
> Enjoy, folks!
> 
> ~S~

_Jack Frost,_

_You are invited to the Guardians’ New Year’s party at Santoff Clausen! We hope to see you attend to both have a wonderful New Year’s celebration, and to formerly announce your Guardianship to the rest of the spirit world. The party starts at 7:00pm tonight. Don’t be late!_

_~North._

Jack reread the letter for what had to have been the tenth time, still unable to fully believe the elegantly scrawled words on the sturdy parchment. But once he was sure his sight wasn’t playing tricks on him, and that the invitation – delivered by one very grouchy Yeti via Snowglobe portal – was in fact real, he couldn’t stop the overly excited grin from breaking over his face.

“I’m invited to a party…a party at _North’s_ ,” he whooped and flipped around in the air, the wind tossing him to and fro in his excitement.

A small part of him knew he was acting childish for his excitement. To others, the invite would be so insignificant and not worth all the enthusiasm – most everyone was invited to North’s annual parties, it was almost expected to receive an invitation if North knew you. But to Jack, a spirit known for being kicked out of parties when he would try to worm his way in uninvited, it was like winning the lottery.

Jack looked up at the small clock tower beside the tree he was in. The time currently read 5:42 in the evening. He had plenty of time to send one last snowfall for the kids for New Year’s, and get ready and maybe clean himself up a bit. Maybe he could get Jamie to lend him a tie for a laugh or two. Wait, _did_ he have to dress formally? There was nothing in the invitation saying so. Did he need to be festive? Ugh, red looked horrible on him…

_‘Oh who cares?! I’m going to one of North’s parties!’_ Giving one last whoop, Jack cut through the chilled Canadian air and made his journey back to Burgess…

****

**

~s~S~s~

**

****

The frost sprite touched down atop a familiar memorial statue in Burgess’ park, surveying his handiwork. Snow covered every inch of the town in a thick blanket. Various icicles dripped from awnings and gutters, while floral frost patterns covered windows and vehicles. Even now the sky was still letting down a slow, gentle snowfall to help the winter wonderland build up overnight. The kids of Burgess were pretty much guaranteed a snow day tomorrow.

Now satisfied, Jack took off into the air again. All he had left to do was to re-ice his lake so it was safe for ice skating in the morning, then he could head to North’s for the party.

_‘Wonder who else is going to be there…’_ he thought. He hoped Harley, Patrick and Hal would be there. Harley made parties into celebrations that you wake up from two days later with no memory, and Hal always managed to stir up some kind of silly mischief for a giggle. And Patrick – no party was complete without witnessing a demonstration of his drinking prowess in a drinking contest. He was a hilarious drunk too.

His lake now in sight, Jack touched down on the shore, taking in the surrounding area to-

_“Waaaahhh…!”_

Jack startled at the faint sound before instinctively falling into a defensive stance, his staff held out in front of him. His eyes swiftly looked around the surrounding forest and his lake, unable to pinpoint the noise.

_“Waaaahhh…!”_

What was that noise? It sounded like a distressed animal.

“Hello…?” he called cautiously, carefully stepping onto his lake.

Another noise, this one sounding almost like a garbled hiccup, was heard; and it was somewhat closer. Jack tightened his grip on his staff, a frown creasing his forehead. The noise seemed…familiar. Where had he heard it before? He knew he had heard it somewhere, he just couldn’t for the life of him pinpoint _where._

“Hello?” He called a little louder this time.

Jack jolted when what sounded like a shrill whimper rang through the chilly air, followed by…was that a sob?

_‘Wait…that sounds like-’_

The back of Jack’s heel hit something soft, drawing out a startled whine. Yelping, Jack jumped back and spun around, pointing his staff at whatever it was he hit.

Jack blinked in confusion when he saw no one in front of him. There was nothing but the forest before him, and a small stretch of his lake. So then what…?

“Bah…”

Tensing, Jack slowly lowered his gaze downwards and onto the iced surface of the lake.

His jaw dropped open in utter astonishment.

Lying on the frozen water’s surface and swathed in a thick, warm looking forest green blanket with intricate ivy embroidery, was a _baby._

“Uh…” this was probably the least most intelligent thing Jack has ever said in his life. Ever.

The baby whimpered and opened – his? Her? – eyes. Bright emerald green eyes locked onto Jack’s ice-core irises. A sort of awkward staring contest ensured. And in true Jack Frost fashion, Jack smiled meekly at the child and waved a hand.

“Hey there, kiddo,” he said uncertainly.

The baby stared with wide eyes at him…

And then started to bawl its eyes out.

“Ah! N-no, no! I-it’s okay!” Hesitantly, Jack got down on his knees and lifted the baby into his arms, rocking her back and forth, “Shh, shh, it’s okay. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

But still the child continued to cry. The child’s surprisingly thick black hair stuck to red, tear soaked cheeks. Jack continued to rock the baby in his arms, but the crying wasn’t relenting. If anything, it seemed to be getting _louder._

_‘Oh man, what do I do?’_ He thought in dismay.

Jack wracked his brain to try and find out what it was that could be distressing the child. It couldn’t be that the child was cold; the blanket was very well insulated, and the baby felt warm. Was the child sick? Hungry? Moon forbid, did it need to be changed?

_‘I don’t know what to do! What would a mom do?!’_ He thought.

He suddenly blinked and looked around, his mind reeling and heart frantic as something dawned on him.

Where was the child’s mother?

To be continued…


	2. Chapter 2

North, for what had to be the fifteenth time in the last minute, looked up at the clock sitting on the mantle. It was now a full hour past the intended time for guests to arrive, and still the guest of honor was missing!

“Phil…” he grunted lowly. The named Yeti discreetly shuffled over to North, pretending to offer his boss a drink, “Any word from Jack yet?”

The brown and beige Yeti grunted out a negative, along with a few snippets of overheard conversations from the other guests. Apparently everyone was getting impatient and wondering where Jack Frost was. Sure the party itself was great; the food was fantastic, the music was quite pleasant, and they all had no qualms against being able to catch up with old friends. But the main reason they even came, especially the other seasonal spirits, was to see the winter sprite. 

The mentioned winter sprite had long been absent since – North checked the clock again – one hour, eight minutes, and forty two seconds. And the other Guardians were getting worried. Or at least everyone except Bunny. The Pooka was up until this point convinced Jack was trying to build up on a dramatic entrance or something. The thought gradually diminished as the minutes ticked by, and now even he was worried that something might be wrong.

But until they could figure out _what_ , the Guardians banded together and made it their personal mission to keep the guests as entertained as possible until Jack’s arrival. It worked for a while, but they were starting to run out of ideas – or party tricks in Sandy’s case.

Sooner or later, the whole thing was going to go to hell…

“Yo, Jolly-man…”

“Hm?” Startled by the juvenile voice, North spun to face the owner of said voice, only to get a view of the rest of the room.

“Down here…” 

Averting his gaze downwards, North blinked at the white and silver cloaked child that didn’t even reach his knees. The pale child with platinum gold and silver hair wielded a gold and silver staff with an intricately designed armillary sphere with a clock in its center at its top, the clock hands themselves now at a standstill. Eyes with thick white-blonde lashes remained sealed shut yet somehow stared up at North with an inquiring quirk of delicate brows. But despite the childish body and short stature, North felt a shudder climb up his spine. Despite his current form, the spirit he now towered over was still someone to be intimidated by. But he was much easier to talk to in this form at least. 

“Father Time!” North bellowed in startled joy, kneeling down to the tiny spirit. A tiny spark of courage prompted him on to hopefully lighten the mood, “Or shall I be calling you Baby New Years?” He chuckled.

The temporal spirit laughed, his white teeth flashing, “Hahaha…never heard that one before. Go on, say something else.” Amusement had shifted to sarcasm swiftly – though this made North relax some. 

“I only tease,” North said, shaking the spirit’s tiny hand, “I was not expecting you to attend this year. Always whining about how busy you are, I thought you would decline again.”

“Yes, well, not all of us have the privileges of working only one night of the year,” the blind time spirit brushed off some invisible dirt from his tunic, “And I only came for the _entertainment._ ”

“Oh? Well I am glad my Yetis can bring joy to the spirit of time himself!”

A knowing, mischievous grin spread over the cherub face, “You have no idea.”

Father Time – or from New Year’s Eve to New Year’s itself known as Baby New Year’s – was a rather wily spirit. As ever shifting and ever changing as the ocean, and just as unpredictable, he was a force to reckon with. In his natural form, he was someone to fear and revere. Beautiful in his form, he was a sultry and seductive entity, despite the human’s views on his kind. He may be an Angel, but his pseudo-title of ‘Holy Whore’ was more befitting of his reputation.

Every spirit respected and feared him and his power, and at times, an unlucky few can find themselves put under his glamour’s spell and fall in love with him. Such incidents often led to the disappearance of such spirits, if not their Oblivion. He was very much capable of making one’s life hell, and he would hold absolutely no regret or second thoughts to harming someone he believed deserved it. It wasn’t a form of cynical sadism though; Time was incapable of true malice. Time was a true neutral entity – incapable of hatred, grudges, or ill thought towards others. Though he did, however, hold a very dry and sarcastic sense of humor.

Even now spirits tended to walk on egg shells around him, despite his current form. Though this never stopped North from poking fun at the snarky spirit – it was certainly safe enough to do now. Every New Year’s Eve, Father Time would shrink down to the form of a toddler as his time powers waned and shifted in his shrunken body. The energy stored inside of him would continue to grow until the stroke of midnight of New Year’s, then the energy would be released to ‘refresh’ the New Year. Afterwards, he would assume his original adult form and go back to being the ever infamous Holy Whore and playing games with the lives of any and all living entity on earth.

So saying, it was quite unusual to see Time himself out of his dimensional domain. It wasn’t unheard of per se, but his job of making sure the Time Stream flowed perfectly without falter was a tedious, if not maddeningly life-consuming task. The Time Stream may be at its most stable during New Years, but even still, Father Time rarely left his domain for any reason unless something that could change the world itself was about to happen.

Bearing this in mind, North was suddenly on edge. He certainly hoped Time’s attendance was out of sheer boredom, and not a sign of the apocalypse. 

“Ah yes, I was wondering about something,” The time spirit said, snagging a drink from a passing elf, “Where’s the guest of honor?”

North mentally cringed and had the unsightly urge to turn tail and hide himself. Leave it to Time to notice when something was amiss. Granted, it was quite obvious at this point, but still, the Guardian of Wonder held out hope that Time was in one of his more ‘oblivious’ moods – even if said mood was an act.

“Ah, Jack Frost is just running a bit late, da?” He elaborated as he stood to his full height.

“Is that a question or a statement, Nicolas?” Time inquired with a smirk.

The use of his full first name nearly made North crumble to his knees. And despite the fact it came from a childish looking spirit, he still felt like the kid who had been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

Although he was somewhat thankful that Time was currently without his all-knowing sight, he wasn’t powerless or completely ‘blind’ to what was happening in the Time Stream. North had to wonder if Time actually knew where Jack was and he was just trying to stir up trouble…

“It is…both?” North offered lamely.

Time hummed thoughtfully, tiny fingers tracing the edge of his goblet. A melodious ringing resonated around them, “As fun as it is interrogating you, I believe it would likely do you some good if you actually went out to find him.”

North groaned internally. Great, just what he needed; a tiny-terror version of Time himself breaking his balls at his own party. Though Time did have a point, North couldn’t just up and leave his guests. What kind of a host would he be if he did? Not to mention the other Guardians would have his head if they found out he left them to their impatient guests. 

“It is good idea, but…the others…”

“Let me rephrase,” Time said, “You can either go out and get frost-butt up here and we all can have ourselves a party. Or you can stand here waiting for only-I-know-how-long, and we can have ourselves a repeat of the disastrous party of 1912.”

North couldn’t stop the shudder that ran up his spine. Never…in all his years, did he think having one drunk spirit of chaos and one wasted ice fairy could end so disastrously. The two were still banned from the Atlantic Ocean…

“Ah…perhaps I should go look for Jack,” North muttered to himself.

“Wait, he’s not here?”

Apparently North wasn’t as quiet as he thought, nor had he noticed that he and Time had attracted a crowd not even a moment ago. All of which contained the various spirits he had invited, and all of whom were waiting on the mentioned winter sprite.

Time looked around at all the expectant faces and whistled lowly, “Awkward…”

North sputtered, “Ah, no, no, no! He is just being held up a bit-!”

“Why didn’t you say anything sooner?”

“We’ve been standing here waiting on this kid, and he’s probably not even coming?”

“This was a waste of time…”

“NO! No! He _is_ coming! We just do not know…when…” North cringed as the other spirits scowled at him.

The other Guardians, now aware of the mass uproar on the other side of the room, quickly came to North’s aid.

“Now hang on! We’re sure he’s coming! He’s just late is all, no need to panic!” Tooth tried, though her frantic gestures were doing little to placate the crowd.

“Yeah, just calm down you bloody maniacs! We’ll find him!” Bunny’s rather tactless comments only seemed to rile the crowd. 

Sandy himself was also faring very poorly. It was times like these he wished he wasn’t such a quiet spirit…

The Guardians found themselves pressed up against the back wall as a barrage of accusations, questions, insults, and frustrated inquiries boxed them in. The more temperamental spirits were already causing a mess as their emotional-connected powers brought burns, broken items, and tables and chairs crashing down. A few spirits who knew Jack were angrily expressing their concern and snapping at the Guardians’ lack of responsibility for their youngest colleague. 

The Guardians were wondering if this was how they were all going to die. It seemed rather lacking in dignity…

“Doesn’t Frost live near Pitch’s lair?”

The calm, yet slightly annoyed inquiry directed all attention away from the Guardians and down to the two foot tall temporal spirit at their feet. The time spirit nibbled on a cookie while nonchalantly leaning against an overturned table.

Silence and wide eyes greeted the seemingly bored spirit. And when he got no response for a total of twenty two seconds, the time spirit sighed.

“Doesn’t it seem odd that Frost has been missing for the past hour, and he coincidently lives mere meters away from the Boogeyman?” He inquired.

There was still staring directed at him, but now murmurs of concern were starting to arise. The Guardians even seemed slightly flabbergasted at the implication.

“You think Pitch attacked him?” North inquired. Time shrugged.

“Hell should I know. I’m powerless at the moment, and therefore I have no foresight. For all I know, Jacky-boy fell down a well,” said Time.

His sarcasm now dully noted, the others considered the implication. It wasn’t exactly a farfetched assumption. _Everyone_ knew just how nasty Pitch could be; those who never even met him knew the man was known for playing dirty tricks for a laugh. Though the few darker spirits at the party were not one to jump on the bandwagon, they knew Pitch could get nasty if provoked – or bored. 

“I thought ye lot banished ‘im last year?” St. Patrick inquired sourly.

“We did, but it’s not like the dingo would stay trapped forever,” Bunny said, “Jack even told us a while ago the hole in the ground had reopened last month.”

“Then why are you all standing around and not checking on him?” Cupid snapped, clearly annoyed. 

No answer was given by the Guardians, all of whom were starting to look a bit sheepish. 

“Wow, Manny will just make _anyone_ a Guardian these days, eh?” The large Groundhog sniffed.

“Oh rack off you bloody gopher!” Bunny snapped.

“I’m a _GROUNDHOG!_ ”

“Hey! Here’s an idea!” Time interjected in annoyance, “Instead of throwing unintelligent insults at one another, why don’t we all go see if Frost isn’t lying on his lake with Pitch chewing on his corpse?”

At any other time, the condescending tone and inquiry would have been met with frowns and grumbles. Now though, it was met with a rather large-scramble for the nearest door – or window for the flyers – to get out of the Workshop and to Jack’s pond.

Now alone in a rather messy party room with only some Yetis and a few elves, Time blew some of his hair out of his face and tossed his cookie to the floor.

“Idiots…” he vanished in a swirl of energy from his staff.

To be continued…


	3. Chapter 3

North’s sleigh, now currently piled on with the other Guardians plus a few other spirits, circled over Burgess until they passed over a familiar pond. Finding a small clearing, North landed his sleigh and hopped out, his sabers clutched tightly in his hands. 

“Do you see anything?” He hissed lowly to the others.

“Nah, don’t even hear anything…” Bunny responded, his long ears twitching and rotating to try and catch any noise in the air.

“Is he even here at all?” A very bored spirit of April Fools asked, absently tossing one of his laughing gas juggling balls in his hand.

“Not the time, Harley…” Tooth scolded, hovering around with her own rapiers at the ready. 

The Guardians and various other spirits looked around the snowy forest, their sight slightly obscured by the cover of night – all of which was illuminated by the full moon. It was completely silent, save for the sound of the whistling wind and the shift of branches in the trees. 

Bunny’s ears suddenly perked up, and he tensed as he faced the south.

“There! I hear something,” he said.

The others turned and shifted into fighting stances to where Bunny was facing, weapons and hands drawn for an attack. Sure enough, the sound of crunching snow and shifting foliage was heard, like someone was running towards them. And a strange sound, like an injured animal, was accompanying it.

A dark silhouette appeared obscured behind a few trees, and everyone rushed towards it with battle cries as they drew their weapons-

“AH!”

“What the-?!”

The charging battalion froze, causing a few spirits to bump into or topple each other. A slightly tipsy Patrick tripped over a rock and slammed face-first into the Groundhog’s back.

Jack stood before them, panting as he clutched a green bundle to his chest. He looked disheveled and frantic, like he had taken a few laps around the world without rest. It certainly sounded like something he’d do in all honesty.

“Oh thank the Moon you guys are here…!” he rasped.

“Jack! What happened? Did Pitch attack you?” North broke in, taking in Jack’s appearance for any signs of injury.

“What? Pitch? Why would he-? Ah, never mind! I need your help!” Jack rasped.

“What could you possibly need help with so desperately that you kept us all waiting at the Pole?” Summer snapped, hands planted on her hips.

Jack eyed her and her siblings – Spring, Winter and Autumn – before looking to the other expectant spirits. He swallowed loudly and shuffled his feet.

“Okay, first off, don’t get mad at me, I had _nothing_ to do with this-”

“That’s reassuring…” Cupid muttered.

“-but I couldn’t just leave it here alone!” Jack snapped, ignoring the Cherub.

“Leave _what?_ ” Patrick snapped.

“The baby!” Jack snapped back.

He promptly presented the wrapped up bundle to the others with outstretched arms. The ‘hood’ of the blanket fell off the child’s head, revealing surprisingly thick locks of black hair and a tear streaked face. The child whimpered and started sobbing suddenly, causing everyone to jump in shock.

“A baby? Where did you get a baby?!” Bunny snapped.

“I didn’t get it anywhere! I was on my way to North’s, but when I was passing by my lake, there it was!” Jack exclaimed, bringing the child back to his chest to rock it, “It won’t stop crying! And I couldn’t fly with it. It would have been too cold!”

“Geez, and you holding it was going to help?” Spring drawled.

“What did you expect me to do?!” Jack snapped, cringing when his raised voice caused the baby’s crying to rise an octave, “Oh Moon, someone help me, I’m not good at this kind of thing…!”

“Oh, give it here!” Tooth snatched the child from Jack’s arms – much to his relief – and started swaying in midair to rock the child.

“Oh it’s okay, sweetie, auntie Tooth is here, there’s no need to cry!” She crooned.

The child took one look at the fairy and let out a displeased shriek, its toothless mouth sending a shudder down the fairy’s back.

“Uh, no, no! It’s okay!” She tried to amend. 

But the child only continued to scream in distress, causing everyone present to cringe from the high screeching. Now flustered, Tooth surveyed her colleagues and held the child out helplessly.

“Oh give me the lamb!” Patrick promptly snatched up the child and held it at arm’s length like it was a bomb ready to go off.

“Oi, stop yer cryin’ already! Yer actin’ like a wee baby!” He exclaimed.

This only seemed to aggravate the child more, as the crying seemed to reach sound barrier breaking levels. Bunny and the Groundhog pinned their ears back with pained grimaces.

“Oh hell, where is the off button on this thing?” Patrick cringed, turning the child this way and that.

“Maybe it needs to be changed…?” Hal inquired, the brim of his witch’s hat pulled over his ears.

“Oh. Hey Cupid, ye wear diapers right? How do ye change one?” Patrick inquired in all seriousness.

“EXCUSE ME?!”

While a small squabble broke out among the two spirits, North took the child from Patrick and scoffed.

“Bah, you have no sense of childcare! Leave this to me!” The Spirit of Wonder then proceeded to make silly faces at the child, bouncing it up and down in his massive hands.

The child stopped crying and simply stared at North with wide, bewildered eyes. North grinned in triumph at the child.

“Hah! See? Everyone likes Santa Clause!” He crowed.

He no sooner yelped and held the child out as it started up its crying again. His own eyes now wide, and a bit put out, North looked to the other spirits for help.

“Oh for the love of…!” Bunny took the child from North and started rocking it against his furry chest, “Come on you little ankle-biter, no need for crying…”

The child looked up at Bunny, face red from crying. It seemed to suddenly take on a disgusted scowl, as if Bunny was the most unlawful sight of its short life. Promptly the child shrieked and waved its arms around to try and break free of the Pooka’s furry arms.

“Ah! H-Harley! You take it!” Bunny shoved the child into the April Fool’s arms, much to the other’s shock.

“Me?! Why me?!” he exclaimed.

“You’re the funny guy here-”

“HEY!”

“Make it laugh or something! Just make it stop crying!” Bunny exclaimed, ignoring Jack’s exclamation. 

The Groundhog snorted, “Oh sure, let’s give the child to the man that throws pies and laughing gas bombs for a living…”

“Once. I threw a pie once in my life! And better me than handing it off to a beaver…” Harley snorted.

“What did you call me you clown?!”

Jack dropped his face into his hands, completely helpless. What was this? A live sitcom? Because if it was, he wasn’t laughing. _At all._

“Getting a bit frustrated, Frost?”

Jack yelped and whirled around, staff pointing at his speaker. An unimpressed expression donned the blind child’s face, all of whom sat on a stump a few feet off with a gingerbread cookie sticking out of his mouth. What Jack assumed to be a cloak lay on the child’s lap, the hood of which acting as a makeshift bag for the various treats nestled inside it. 

“Uh…who are you?” Jack asked carefully.

“I go by a lot of names,” the time spirit remarked, “Chronos, Tempus, Pakiž, Saturn, Shiva, The Grim Reaper. But everyone calls me Father Time.”

Jack stared at the child before him. This little kid was Father Time? If the claim itself wasn’t so appallingly ridiculous, Jack would have rolled over and died laughing.

Time raised a brow, “Cat got your tongue, Frost?”

“Uh…no, I just…” Jack shrugged lamely.

“What?”

“For some reason, I thought you’d be…taller?” Jack tried, a meek smile crawling over his face.

“Yeah? And I thought you would be an animated snowman with a top hot. We’re both disappointed,” Time shot back, biting the head off a gingerbread man.

Jack had to hand it to him, the kid had a mouth…

“Candy won't make a child stop crying!” Tooth snapped at Hal, who was trying to coax the child into taking an orange flavored lollipop. 

“And floss will? It doesn't even HAVE teeth yet...” Hal said, wincing when the child threw the lollipop at his head.

The Seasonal Fae and other spirits continued to hover over the group, spouting various ‘right’ ways to calm the child. All to no avail and only resulting in various headaches.

As the volume of voices increased, North stepped into the crowded and bellowed out, 

“Everyone! Please, be calming down and just – _PATRICK!_ Don't you dare give the child Brandy! I don't care if it worked on you as a child, we are NOT going to give it alcohol! – and settle this like civilized spirits! You're all acting like _animals!_ ” he bellowed.

The Groundhog and Bunny shot North insulted scowls. The Christmas spirit, realizing his wording mistake, coughed meekly.

“Ah, no offence,” he said.

“Well I don’t see _you_ coming up with anything!” Cupid snapped.

“Yeah, you’re supposed to be the Guardians of Childhood, you should know this stuff!” Harley exclaimed.

“Don’t be so stereotypical!” Tooth snapped.

“Yeah, and why don’t you know anything?! You’re always bragging about how you can make anyone laugh their sorrows away!” Bunny snapped.

“It’s not our job to make sure kids are safe! _Some_ of us actually deal in adult affairs!” Cupid growled irritably. 

“Oh rack off you goth-wannabe fairy!”

“I’m a CHERUB!”

Now thoroughly flustered – both from the arguing and his own failed attempt at calming the child – Sandy looked around the clearing before spotting Father Time sitting serenely back on a stump. The Dreamweaver flew over to the time spirit and signed frantically to him, pleading for his help.

“Hah, no thanks. Call me when I don’t have the urge to suck my thumb anymore…” Time said.

Sandy only continued his frantic signing, complete with wild hand gestures and flying arms.

Time scoffed, “Are you kidding me? Look at me!” Time gestured to his tiny body, “I have a huge head, I'm two and a half feet tall, I have buck teeth that can put Groundhog and Bugs Bunny over there to shame-”

“I HEARD THAT!”

“-and you think I can help? Sorry, wrong number.” Time reclined back against the tree with his arms behind his head, the very picture of relaxation.

Now thoroughly frustrated, more images flew over Sandy’s head, all accompanied by a few frantic gestures.

“Hey, just because I'm omniscient, doesn't mean I know _how_ to do everything. And anyway, I’m powerless now. You're one of the ‘Guardians of Childhood’, you tell me how to calm her down.”

Sandy’s brow twitched irritably, expressions of cursing forming over his head.

“Oh well _excuse_ me. I am _so_ sorry I have to sacrifice _my_ power and energy into starting up _your_ new year to refresh _your_ powers out of the goodness of my ticking heart, and therefore subject myself to the indignant form of a living caricature…” Time sighed and crossed his arms, “So ungrateful…you're on your own, butterball.” 

Sandy scowled and gave Time a very rude hand gesture. 

The clearing was suddenly filled with a horrendous shriek from a certain child, all of whom was caught in a bit of a multi-way tug-of-war with various spirits.

“Give it here!”

“No way! You’re not holding it right!”

“Look who’s talking! You tried to hold it by its damn feet!”

“It’s supposed to relax a child!”

“No it’s not!”

“Yeah, everyone knows booze makes everythin’ better!”

“You boys don’t know what you’re doing!”

“Bleeding hell, you dingo’s are gonna tear it in half!”

Jack groaned, slumping miserably against a tree. This could _not_ get any worse…

To be continued…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact! The Indian god, Shiva, is considered a time deity! He is also known as a god of destruction. The more you know!
> 
> ~S~


	4. Chapter 4

Silken black sheets shifted as their occupant groaned and rolled over. Small clusters of dirt and rock crumbled from the ceiling above and gathered in the dip of the black canopy over the bed, courtesy of the stomping and loud yelling from above the cavern. 

The noise above briefly stopped, and the bed’s occupant slowly started to relax…

Before the yelling stared up again, and with a vengeance. 

Pitch growled lowly and grabbed a spare pillow, pressing it over his head in a vain attempt to block out the noise so he could sleep, _god damn it._

But the racket above did not let up. Silver eyes with gold bursts cracked open wearily with annoyance. A rather large chunk of debris crashing into his bed’s canopy finally prompted the shirtless Boogeyman into a slumped sitting position. Groaning, Pitch ran a thin hand through his disheveled hair, pushing some loose locks back into their proper raven-crest position before he scowled up at the ceiling. 

His sharp ears picked up certain voices he was quite familiar with, and they brought a scowl to his face as indignation and irritation boiled in his blood.

Were the Guardians so bored that they had to take it upon themselves to disturb his rest? Were they so smug that they decided to mock him further by having a shouting match over his damn sleeping quarters? _Really?_

_‘These are the spirits that I lost all power to?’_ He thought.

Those no good bunch of little…

_Crack!_

Pitch yelped as a rather large rock suddenly fell out of his ceiling, plunged a hole through his nice canopy, and made itself a nice crater in his sheets between his knees. 

If he wasn’t so relieved at having that rather heavy looking rock _not_ landing on a more sensitive part of his anatomy, Pitch would be loudly complaining about his now ruined bed linens. And he just got them too!

The volume of the voices seemed to increase, along with what sounded like…what was that? It sounded like someone was strangling a wolverine!

Pitch scoffed and tossed his sheets off himself, briefly shuddering from the sudden chill, and formed his shadowy cloak around himself. He was _not_ going to give the Guardians the satisfaction of knowing they had successfully irritated him. No, he was simply going to _politely_ ask them to leave his territory. And if they refused – which is the most likely scenario – he was simply going to give them something to _really_ scream about…

Dropping into a shadow – and making a mental note to make a new sheet out of that insufferable Pooka’s hide – Pitch reappeared on the surface.

He looked around and very quickly found the source of all the yelling. He was slightly taken aback by the other spirits yelling with the Guardians, and a few at the Guardians. But he was not deterred. Clenching his fists, the Boogeyman gritted his teeth and shouted,

“Would you all shut the _bloody hell up?!_ Some of us are trying to sleep here!” He shouted.

All present suddenly fell silent. The spirits turned slowly to face Pitch, eyes wide in shock. The Boogeyman held his scowl in place, his posture threatening and hands clenched into fists.

A bit of a staring contest ensured – the spirits supposedly too shocked to really make any remarks, and the Guardians themselves too stunned to have an immediate plan of action.

The somewhat awkward silence was broken when a large, clawed hand waved at the Boogeyman.

“Hey, Pitch,” Hal greeted. 

Pitch nodded amicably to the monarch, “Hello, Halistair. How is your realm?”

“Good! Slow harvest, but we’re doing fine.”

“Ah, good. Remind me to stop by sometime, we haven’t had a chance to catch up in some time,” Pitch said, before he turned back to regard the other spirits and Guardians. 

He raised a brow and crossed his arms irritably.

“Speechless still? You all couldn’t stay away, so you just had to rub salt into my wounds and-”

Pitch paused when he caught sight of the source of the odd noise in a certain Guardian of Fun’s arms. His eclipse eyes blinked once slowly, as if he wasn’t certain he was seeing things right.

Bunny suddenly scowled and pulled out a boomerang, fur bristling.

“Pitch, you got ten seconds to high tail it outta here or-”

“What…” Pitch started, a strange sort of disbelieving irritation creeping into his features, “Are you doing…?”

“What?” Bunny asked, “What’s it look like? I’m threating to beat the snot out of-”

“What are you _doing?!_ ” Pitch snapped, looking outraged.

Faster than anyone could think, Pitch stormed purposefully towards the crowd of spirits, forcibly parting them. He shoved everyone aside until he stopped and looked down his nose at Jack, all of whom was staring up at Pitch with wide, stunned eyes. 

Pitch narrowed his eyes at Jack and crossed his arms, “Well?”

Jack was actually too frightened by that hard gaze to pay much mind to the wailing child in his arms. And by the time he found his voice, it was just as pathetic as their attempts at calming the child.

“Uh…” he started lamely, “Well, what…?”

“I will not repeat myself, Frost,” Pitch hissed, “But I simply must ask just _why_ you are letting this child wail her lungs out. She’s going to hurt herself if you let her keep screaming!”

“Tch, I’d like to see you try and calm it down,” Bunny scoffed, “That would be a sight.”

“Then allow me to give you that opportunity.” Without another word, Pitch abruptly scooped the child out of Jack’s arms, much to the Guardians’ horror.

“PITCH! You put that child down this inst-!”

“Shh…” silencing North with a venomous glare, but with a gentle shushing noise towards the child, he turned away from the imposing crowd and began to sway gently in place, humming to the child in his arms.

And to everyone’s complete and utter shock, the child started to calm down. The incessant crying and wailing was quickly reduced to quiet hiccups and sniffles, all of which were progressively vanishing as well. Each gentle sway of Pitch’s body, coupled by the unknown tune he was humming, seemed to lull the child into a sense of calm. The spirits, and the Guardians, were utterly speechless.

A couple more moments passed before the child finally quieted completely. Emerald green eyes slowly drifted shut, a grey thumb coming up to wipe away leftover tears from the baby’s plump cheeks. The child cooed quietly before turning its head slightly towards the Boogeyman’s chest, the comforting warmth radiating from his body a soothing balm to the once distressed infant.

Once sure the child was asleep, Pitch carefully eased his swaying to a full stop and sighed softly to himself. He turned his head to look at the others, and he nearly guffawed at their expressions.

Everyone’s jaws – sans Time, who was looking as bored as ever, and a few spirits of the dark element – were practically plunging past the earth and into his lair. At any other time, he would have found their gaping faces absolutely hysterical. But now, he was finding it a bit uncouth.

“Pick your jaws up already before something flies in there and builds a nest…” he grumbled softly, adjusting the blanket around the child.

“How…?” Bunny rasped, his ears hanging limply on either side of his head.

“You said you wanted to see me try and calm her,” Pitch shot back sharply, but quietly, “I was only too happy to oblige.”

“But you…” Jack shook his head, “Why did-? _How?_ ”

The utterly unimpressed expression Pitch shot Jack could have well been a slap to the face.

“It’s not rocket science, Frost…” he explained slowly.

“Pft, who knew? The _Boogeyman_ is better with kids than the _Guardians of Childhood!_ What a laugh! DOH!”

The Groundhog was abruptly floored by a knobby grey fist to his eye, courtesy of one Pitch Black. 

“Do be quiet, you’ll wake her,” he hissed lowly, slipping his arm back under the child.

“Pitch…” Tooth started, still utterly stunned, “You just calmed a child…”

“Oh please, it would be a mockery of my very existence to allow the Guardians to make a child scream more than I can,” Pitch snorted, looking away from the spirits, “Paralysis is a common side effect experienced in the face of pure horror after all…”

Pitch blatantly ignored the smirk on Sandy’s face from his statement. He wasn’t going to give the little gold turd the satisfaction of seeing him flustered from the attention – let alone from the fact he managed to sooth a child of his own accord.

The awkward silence was suddenly interrupted by a slow clapping. All eyes averted to a sarcastically grinning Baby New Year.

“ _Bravo_ everyone,” he said, “But might I suggest we head back now? I have a job to restart on in…” The time spirit checked a pocket watch in his cloak, “Twenty four minutes, and thirty two seconds.”

“Ah…yes!” North said, but suddenly his expression turned dark as he averted his gaze back to Pitch, “And the child…?”

“We can’t just leave it-”

“Her,” Pitch suddenly cut in.

The Guardians and spirits looked confusedly at Pitch. The Boogeyman fixed them all with a deadpan expression.

“Are you going to tell me that on top of being incapable of pacifying her, you didn’t even attempt to decipher her gender?” He growled darkly.

The silence and embarrassed expressions that greeted him was answer enough.

“…these are the people protecting the children of the world,” he muttered, “The universe is imploding…”

“Rack off you bloody sod, and hand over the kid. She’s coming back to the Pole with us,” Bunny growled, tightening his grip on his boomerangs.

Pitch scowled back at the Pooka before looking back down at the child. His expression visibly softened into something surprisingly tender and wistful. On one hand, he could just take the girl just to spite the others. But on the other, what could he do with her? He had absolutely no resources or necessities to take care of a child. Sure, he could conjure up a nursery, a crib, and other such things easily, but it wouldn’t be safe. Nightmares and Fearlings roamed his lair, and an infant would be a perfect target for them. And as much as he enjoys watching a child writhe in the throes of terror, the thought of seeing this child afraid…it didn’t settle well with him. It was like a bad ache in his stomach that seemed to reverberate all the way up into his dead heart…

The spirits all tensed visibly when Pitch didn’t immediately hand the child over. They all assumed he would simply spirit the child away as a means of revenge against the Guardians. But much to their surprise, Pitch sighed after a moment and nodded, holding the child out to the Guardians.

North stepped forward cautiously, eyeing Pitch warily. When it became apparent Pitch was in no mood to attack or try anything vicious, he held out his large hands to the child. Pitch scowled at him.

“Arms folded, and be sure to support her head,” he scolded.

Slightly put off, if not chastised, North did as he was told and mimicked the crossed position Pitch had his own arms in, one palm facing up to have the child’s head placed in. Pitch looked North’s arms over, and after adjusting the elbows a bit, he nodded in satisfaction and carefully transferred the infant into the muscular arms. 

But the moment Pitch’s arms started to slip away, the child whimpered. Then she woke up and started to cry again.

The others all jumped at the sudden turn of events, North himself feeling quite uncomfortable with a wailing infant in his arms.

“I did not do anything!” He exclaimed, as if he expected Pitch to fly into a paternal rage at him.

Tempting though it was, Pitch was just as surprised as the others at the child’s sudden change in behavior. But he couldn’t ignore the sudden instinctual urge to correct this.

He swiftly took the child out of North’s arms and cradled her back against his chest, shushing her like he did before. Almost immediately, the little girl calmed before she could start truly wailing, and settled back into the Boogeyman’s arms peacefully.

Making sure she was asleep again, Pitch looked up at the others apprehensively, just as uncertain as they were from the sudden turn of events. 

“Well…” Time started, intrigued, “Seems she only responds to Pitch’s presence. Isn’t that ironic?”

The silent implication he was making was not lost on the Guardians. But that didn’t mean they were about to openly acknowledge it. Or so they didn’t want to…

The Guardians gave Pitch a strange look, but it was quite clear to him what they were thinking, and he doubted he had much choice in the matter.

_‘Looks like I’m going to the Pole…’_ he thought dryly, _‘Oh joy…’_

To be continued…


	5. Chapter 5

The moment Pitch was brought to North’s Workshop – after a long voyage of back-seat driving and criticizing North’s driving skills, and the lack of a baby seat in the sleigh – he felt like a deer caught in headlights.

_‘So this is what Agoraphobia feels like…’_ he thought. He wasn’t sure whether to feel proud or ashamed of himself for inflicting the mentioned phobia on people.

The child in his arms crooned, and he adjusted his arms so she rested more comfortably against his chest. The spirits that followed them back to the Workshop were all meandering around him; some leaving him alone (much to his relief), and some whispering quietly to themselves while throwing him strange, wide eyed looks over their shoulders. Nine out of ten times Pitch would sneer right back at them, or make some kind of grotesque noise to frighten them. Ironically though, the child seemed to find the noises amusing, if not fascinating. She was completely unafraid of Pitch, a fact that settled oddly with him. 

The Guardians, however, were all huddled in a corner in a tight circle as they discussed the current issue at hand as quietly as possible. Although Pitch was tempted to remind them his sharp hearing made their conversation quite clear, he was curious as to what they would be discussing.

“What should we do? The child obviously won’t respond to us like she does to Pitch…” Tooth started meekly.

“I am not sure,” North said, stroking his beard thoughtfully, “But I think we are having little choice in matter. We do not know how to take care of infants, and neither do the other spirits.”

Sandy looked at Jack and formed various images over his spikey head. Jack shook his head.

“No, I didn’t see any sign of the kid’s mom,” he said sadly, “No footprints, no note, nothing…”

“Do you think she was abandoned?” Tooth asked, her feathers ruffling in alarm.

North shook his head, but looked uncertain, “She does not look malnourished, and she is not newborn…”

“But what do we do?” Jack asked, “I mean, yeah, I’m pretty good with kids, but she’s kind of out of all of our age quota.”

“Well we can’t just let that dingo handle the kid!” Bunny hissed, “The moment we turn our backs, he’s probably going to eat her!”

“You know, despite popular belief, I do not _eat_ children,” Pitch broke in, “At least, not anymore. They’re far too fattening.”

The Guardians and a few other spirits openly gaped at Pitch with pale faces – sans Time, who was looking far too amused. The few spirits who knew of his morbid sense of humor only rolled their eyes. 

The Nightmare King stared back at them with an openly unimpressed look, his mouth pressed into a flat line.

“I was joking, I do that sometimes…” he grumbled. The child crooned and waved her arms from the light vibrations of his chest, causing a slight smile to stretch over his once seriously set mouth. 

He gently gripped one of her hands to keep her from squirming too much, letting her play with his fingers.

“Well, what do you lot plan to do?” He asked.

“Find the ankle-biter’s mum, then get her as far away from you as possible,” Bunny snapped.

Pitch scoffed and rolled his eyes. The other spirits watched in astonishment as the child pulled down Pitch’s index finger, and he allowed her to stick it in her mouth to suck on like a pacifier.

“Do you all even have the means to care for an infant?” He drawled, ignoring the wide-eyed looks from the spirits.

“Of course we do!” North defended.

“Cookies and toys do not count, Cossack,” Pitch scolded calmly, “I’m talking about things she _needs._ ”

“Like what?” Jack asked, “How much could a baby need?”

This was apparently the wrong question to ask…

“Oh just a few things…” Pitch started all too pleasantly, “You will need a crib, a changing table, a supply of diapers and clothing, baby-safe cleaning products like shampoos and soaps, baby food and formula, powders, oils, and lotions. You will also need to baby proof _every_ nook and cranny a child can get into, and that includes the elf tunnels, light sockets, tool boxes, paint cans, and other unsafe supplies and toys or items that can pose a choking hazard.

“You will also be required to keep her entertained, and that does not include snowball fights, looking at bloody teeth, painting eggs, sculpting ice, or sleeping – she needs _stimulation_. You will also need to build up a schedule around her – in fact, consider your usual daily excursions done and over if you take her on. She’s still young enough where she needs to be fed every few hours, _including_ at night. So kiss your full night’s sleep goodbye. The moment you bring a child into your home, your life revolves around her, and nothing else. _Period_.”

Pitch finished listing off some of the things they would need for the child, before fixing the Guardians and spirits with a raised brow and lopsided smirk.

“And that’s _if_ you can get within five feet of her without making her cry,” he said.

The Boogeyman was having a very difficult time not outright guffawing at the spirits and Guardian’s star-struck expressions. By this point, he was actually starting to believe something was actually going to fly into their mouths and build a nest. 

“So, any takers?” he suddenly asked, curling his fingers into a loose fist as the child in his arms turned her attention to his sleeves.

Not a single spirit spoke up or jumped to take the child in. The Guardians were all giving each other questioning looks, as if mentally asking if they had all these things – and the spare time. But it was a silent agreement and understanding. None of them had the time to take care of a child, let alone an infant. And an infant that probably didn’t even like them to boot. 

But another thing seemed to occur to them, more so Sandy than anyone else. The gold man formed a question mark, a silhouette of Pitch, and a swaddled baby over his head before pointing to the Boogeyman. 

North frowned, “That is good question, Sandy…” he eyed Pitch with a quirked brow, “How _do_ you know all of this?”

Attention that was once of stunned staring now became curious and quizzical. A few quiet murmurs were shared amongst the spirits, all circling around Pitch’s spontaneous knowledge of childcare.

The Boogeyman opened his mouth at that point to protest he knew all of this because-

…wait, how _did_ he know all of this?

Pitch frowned to himself as he wracked his brain for any memories of when he may have heard or perhaps read about childcare. But why would he be reading – or observing – on the needs of an infant? He wasn’t too picky on literature, but he doubted he would suddenly take an interest in the ‘how to for idiots’ sections of libraries. 

So then why…?

_“It’s a girl!”_

_“Let’s hope she doesn’t get your nose!”_

_“No dear! You need to support her head!”_

_“Daddy, I got an owie…”_

_“You’re almost a natural now!”_

_“I’m no good at this, Koz, how do you do it…?”_

_“Not everyone is cracked up to being a widowed parent, and a soldier at that…”_

_“Daddy…!”_

“-itch…Pitch…PITCH!”

The Boogeyman startled out of his resolve. He physically winced at the sudden throbbing in the back of his head and in his chest. Pitch shook his head of the haze he had dropped into and looked to the others.

“Ah, what? What is it?” He asked, blinking away the heated sensation behind his eyes.

“Um, you okay…?” Jack asked, looking Pitch over, “We kind of lost you there for a minute…”

“What? N-no, I’m fine, just tired…” And he was. When did he get so tired? Was it close to morning already?

“You are sure?” North probed. He frowned slightly and cocked his head, “You are looking a bit…green around the fins.”

Fins? What was he – oh, he meant gills, Pitch thought. The Boogeyman cleared his throat and straightened his posture, making sure the child was secure in his arms. He fixed them all with his trademark annoyed sneer.

“North, I am _fine_ ,” he snapped, “Now if you don’t mind, I would like to find someone capable of taking care of this child before I just leave her to-”

“Why don’t you take care of her?”

All eyes that were once seemingly permanently glued to Pitch now veered over to Time. The tiny spirit was looking for all the world like he would rather be anywhere else. He seemed bored out of his mind and slightly irritated, a fact that had a few spirits taking a few steps away from the temporal entity

But when his suggestion fully settled into the Guardian’s and spirits’ brains, they suddenly found their voices again.

“What? Let that…that… _thing_ take care of a baby?” The Groundhog exclaimed, a nice purpling bruise starting to mar the visible skin around his left eye. 

“Well who else would you suggest, rodent?” Time grunted, checking one of his watches, “And make it quick, I’m not going to make the New Year late because mister Sciophobia here was being a di-”

“Language, Time, there is a child present…” Pitch scolded blandly.

“English, Black, and despite popular belief, she can’t understand at this stage,” Time grinned before sobering, “Alright, anyone who has at least a slight shred of confidence in the situation, speak up if you can take the child.”

No answer was forthcoming. Uncertain looks were shared between the spirits and Guardians, all displaying not even a shred of desire to take in an orphaned child. But then again, even if they did want to take her in, Pitch would only be too happy to crow out reasons they shouldn’t have her. 

Hal was out, sweet as the kid was, but they didn’t need a live reenacted spirit-world version of ‘Teen Mom’. He had an entire realm to run too, adding a baby on top of that would probably kill the Homunculus. Harely was a no as well – he had the attention span of a helium high squirrel, and he had no established home to house the child. Cupid? No, the child could get into his arrows and choke, and he seemed more focused on running his night club than anything else. Patrick was out; despite his protectiveness of the younger spirits, he was not the least bit ‘gentle’ with anything above a can of beer. The Seasonal Fairies and other such spirits were out as well – rumor had it they had been getting particularly lazy in their duties, he didn’t want to imagine what adding a baby into the fray would do. Groundhog? _Hell_ no. That just left the Guardians…

Pitch took a moment to look each and every one over, as if sizing up who would be best suited to even getting within ten feet of the child. Well he supposed Tooth…? No, far too flaky; she’d probably drop the child the moment she got the mental signal from a particularly nice tooth somewhere in the world. North? Eh…maybe. With training. Bunny? Pft, when Pitch wanted to run the risk of fleas and other bugs from his Warren crawling onto the child, then he’d call the Pooka. Sandy was a pretty good candidate – if he likely wasn’t going to make the child sleep her life away! And Jack…

_‘Moon above, it’s like trying to choose which bottle of poison I want to swallow first! There is no good choice!’_ Pitch’s brow twitched at the utter stupidity of the situation. These spirits could not be this hopeless. 

Well, he thought somewhat hopefully, the Guardians at least would probably make somewhat decent team-babysitters…?

“So it’s decided then!” Time suddenly crowed from the muttering sea of spirits, “Pitch will stay here with the Guardians, and take care of the kid under their watch, and contribute their own two cents into the whole thing if they desire.”

“Wait, _what?!_ ” Both Pitch and the Guardians exclaimed.

“Yes,” Time said all too happily, “What else is there to be done about it? You’re the only one qualified, but your lair isn’t safe. They’re not the least bit reliable, but at least it’s safe here at the Workshop.”

“And you just expect me go along with this?” Pitch rasped, trying to keep his voice low and not disturb the drowsy child in his arms, “I can’t stay _here!_ For all I know, _they_ will eat _me!_ ”

“Oh come on, Pitch!” Jack crowed, “You look so yummy!”

“Not now, frostbite…” Bunny grumbled.

Pitch shot Jack a rude hand gesture, “What about Mother Nature? She could handle the-”

“Um, actually…” Autumn broke in meekly, “Lady Nature is a bit…upset with us seasonal spirits, and hasn’t been seen in about a month or so…”

“She’s quite cross, and demanded not to be disturbed,” Summer added. 

“For how long?” Pitch gritted out.

“Um…” Spring twiddled her thumbs, “For the next few decades…?”

Pitch chose to apply every ounce of his self-restraint into not verbally lashing out at the obviously meek Seasonal Fairies. There was a child present after all, and he was at the very least considerate of that. He couldn’t have his surprise skills in childcare be tarnished after all, in front of everyone else to boot. 

“It…seems we have little opinion in matter,” North yielded, although begrudgingly and with a wary glance at Pitch. 

“Now just a minute, I-”

“Alrighty then, it’s settled!” Time crowed, “Now that that’s out of the way, I’m going to attend to my duties and then see how this all plays out. Might be entertaining.”

Time waved his staff deftly, and with one final all-too-knowing smirk, waved to everyone.

“See you all soon,” He purred. He vanished in a puff of gossamer particles just as the gong of the clock in the corner chimed midnight. 

An awkward silence engulfed the room then; the few Yetis and elves that stuck around even feeling its effect. Various colored eyes swiveled to and from various individuals, uncertain as to what had just happened. But no one, not even Pitch, was about to make a blatant protest. Time may be a bit of an enigmatic shrew, but his word was _law_. It was an unspoken rule – you did not argue with Time. You did not go against Time. And you most certainly _do not_ defy Time. 

The silence was broken suddenly by a low voice.

“So, um, yeah, I think I should get going…” Hal started, shuffling for the nearest window, “Need to get to sleep after all, and uh…yeah. See you, Pitch, and uh…good luck…” the Halloween spirit waved before leaping out of an open window, riding a jet of fire from his witch’s broom.

“Um, yeah, what he said. I have to go and do…stuff…” Harley added, his trademark grin looking strained, “You know, parties to be at and such.”

“I think I hear a couple in New York calling for one of my arrows…”

“I need to paint some flowers.”

“New pub opened up, I plan to break ‘er in.”

“Have to prepare for spring.”

One by one, every spirit in the room – sans the Guardians and Pitch – made their weak excuses and filed out of the Workshop. The ballroom, now devoid of all the guests, was rather bleak with its littered food and décor. An elf was floating in the punch bowl in the corner, and North was pretty sure one of Hal’s Wil-o-wisps burnt a majority of the food while they were away. North also took note that the corner table that once held various aged liquors and wines was now empty; damn Patrick and his drinking problems…

Pitch seemed to be the first to regain himself. He fixed the Guardians with a nasty sneer that should not have looked so intimidating with a sleeping baby in his arms.

“Well?” He hissed.

“Uh…” Jack said, “Well, what?”

“Well don’t just stand there!” Pitch snapped, “Show me where you plan to keep her so I can set things up! And then take me to your bathing faculties – she needs to be cleaned up before she’s put down to bed.”

It then seemed to occur to the Guardians that Pitch, the Boogeyman, was going to be bunking with North – with a _baby_. Even worse, they were _all_ going to be contributing to the child in the Workshop.

_‘Crap…’_ was their collective thought.

This can only end well…

To be continued…


	6. Chapter 6

“No, no, NO!” Pitch snapped, “If you put it by the window, she’s going to catch her death! Move it to the left wall!”

North took in a deep, calming breath and complied, half dragging and half carrying the newly assembled crib to the wall away from the window. He had to exercise every ounce of his self-control not to just turn around and run Pitch through with one of his sabers. 

But, he digressed, as he wasn’t the expert on how to properly set up an infant’s room. But then again, Pitch wasn’t either, was he…?

“Um, where do you want this…?” Jack asked meekly, probing the antennae of what, to him, looked like a really clunky cellphone.

“On the table by the crib,” Pitch snapped, glaring at Jack, “And stop messing with it! It’s a baby-monitor, not a toy!”

The Boogeyman, standing haughtily in the middle of the room, surveyed the furniture and items with a heated scrutiny. And with his sharp, dagger-like eyes roving over everything, the others were feeling quite nervous. They were all walking on eggshells, almost afraid to touch or do anything for fear of being scolded – _screamed at_ – by the shade. Even the slightest slip would set the Boogeyman off, as proven by a recent event. Sandy had meticulously made a nice Dreamsand mobile for the child only a half hour ago during their work on the nursery. But when he proudly presented it to the Boogeyman, Pitch had nothing but biting remarks and near endless reasons on why it should be kept as far away from the child as possible.

“Are you mad?! That star is too sharp, if it falls off and she puts it in her mouth, she’s going to hurt herself!” He had snapped, “And it’s made of _Dreamsand_ , if even a pinch flakes off, she’s going to be sleeping her whole damn life away!”

Sad to say, North and Jack had never seen Sandy look so dejected. He looked like the kid being scolded by his overly strict father. And to save the Sandman from further heartache, North asked Sandy to go check up on Tooth and Bunny (both of whom were giving the child a bath) and to prepare the child’s formula. North kept a whole stock of it, as apparently the elves were quite fond of eating the powdery mixture. Pitch had originally insisted on doing it, but their need to set up the child’s room won out over him. Tooth had promised they would handle her carefully; and whether because of stupidity or not, Pitch agreed and held a small scrap of faith in the fairy queen at the very least. Both she and Bunny handled delicate teeth and eggs every day, he could at least _hope_ they would be gentle. And he gave them both rather scalding instructions on how to properly bathe an infant, so that was a small comfort he supposed…

But for now, the two were spared from Pitch’s paternal wrath. Much to North and Jack’s chagrin.

“Frost! I am _not_ telling you again! Get those damned frost-sprites _out of here_ , or so help me, I will hold you personally responsible if she gets sick from your icy little beasts!” The Boogeyman snapped.

Jack, having made a couple of frost-bunnies and frost-birds, sighed and dissipated the floating apparitions. He then proceeded to plop down onto his butt on the floor and watch North be directed in utter boredom. Pitch wasn’t allowing him to help or do anything – he claimed Jack was, ‘too obnoxiously excitable, and likely couldn’t help with anything but in giving the child a cold’. 

So he was quite pleased when Tooth and Bunny burst into the room and broke the tension. Although, he had to take a moment to contemplate whether he should be surprised, or laugh at them at first glance. The two spirits were soaked in warm water, and had bubbles sticking to their fur and feathers.

And of course, Pitch took notice and rounded on the two of them like a Pitbull to a steak.

“What the bloody hell happened?” He hissed menacingly.

“Crickey, mate! She didn’t want to be bathed!” Bunny rasped, trying to shake the water out of his paws, “She kept squirming and wailing, barely got the soap off her.”

Tooth nodded, trying to keep her hold on the squirming infant in her arms, “She’s still fussy, but at least she’s clean.”

Pitch loomed over the fairy queen and gestured for her to hand the child over. Though reluctant, Tooth was silently grateful to be relieved of the squirming and whining bundle. And of course, the moment the child was set into the taller man’s arms, she steadily started to calm down. It still did not cease to amaze the others how positively the child reacted to Pitch – it almost didn’t seem possible a child could be more comfortable in the arms of the Boogeyman than one of the Guardians.

Pitch, however, was not expressing any form of the amusement he usually held when they gaped at him. Rather, he was staring down at the onesie-clad child in his arms in something akin to utter disbelief. 

“She is _soaking_ wet…” he hissed lowly.

“Well…yeah,” Bunny said, his ears pinning back apprehensively, “She had a bath…”

“She is _soaked _, and you _dressed_ her,” Pitch growled, causing the Guardians to cringe. “Did you even _attempt_ to dry her properly?”__

__To his credit, the Guardians seemed to note that Pitch was making a real effort to not yell in front of the baby. Although, this did not make him seem any less intimidating. If anything, his restrained and calm voice, coupled with his hissing and scalding remarks, only made him more frightening._ _

__Bunny and Tooth eyed one another meekly, as if mentally asking the other if they could correctly answer Pitch’s question. So far, neither seemed to hold a decent answer that wouldn’t be called out as a blatant lie, or sound stupid._ _

__Pitch’s brow twitched, the tendons in his neck straining and bulging with his tightened jaw._ _

__“Of course not…” he hissed. Without another word, he turned on his heel and made a beeline for the changing table._ _

__“Oi! What did you expect? We ain’t nannies you dingo!” Bunny snapped._ _

__Pitch said nothing, and instead proceeded to take out a new onesie from the dresser, along with a clean towel. The Pooka bristled as Pitch carefully freed the infant from her damp clothes and stomped over to him._ _

__“Don’t ignore me you closet-creeping bug!” Bunny snapped._ _

__Still no response from Pitch, as the Boogeyman seemed too preoccupied with slipping kicking feet into a pair of booties. Bunny felt his blood pressure skyrocket in retaliation, and he resisted to urge to swipe his claws down the Boogeyman’s back. He was no nanny, but even he wouldn’t get violent in front of an infant. Besides, she just had a bath; no need to get Pitch’s blood on her…_ _

__“HEY! I’m talking to-MRPH?!”_ _

__“Do be quiet, Pooka,” Pitch said calmly, pulling his hand back from shoving a loose pacifier into Bunny’s mouth. “You’re only going to distress her.”_ _

__And with that, Pitch scooped the now dry and dressed baby into his arms and sneered over at North._ _

__“Well? Where is Sanderson?” He growled._ _

__And as if on cue, the mentioned Sandman entered the room with a baby bottle in hand. Or so it resembled a baby bottle…_ _

__“What…” Pitch started breathlessly, “Is _that?_ ”_ _

__“Is baby bottle!” North said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world._ _

__Pitch wasn’t the only one who looked rather unconvinced, as Tooth, Bunny, and even Jack looked quite dubious, if not a bit stunned. Well, Tooth and Bunny looked stunned – Jack actually looked like he was going to hurt himself from how hard he was attempting not to laugh at the whole thing. Sandy, however, looked rather awkward with what had to be a one gallon bottle of formula and a rubber nip at the top. It almost looked like…_ _

__“Is…is that a reindeer bottle…?” Tooth asked carefully._ _

__“Nyet!” North said, waving his hand dismissively, “Is baby Yeti bottle.”_ _

__The fact that Pitch hadn’t so much as changed his facial expression at such a proclamation was, in all honesty, both worrying and impressive. Although the others had to give it to him, he was behaving quite patiently despite the situation. Unlike Jack, who had by this point curled up into a shaking ball of repressed laughter on the floor._ _

__And North; dear, sweet, dense North, was seemingly oblivious to his blunder, and just watched Pitch expectantly. It was as if he was expecting some kind of praise from the dark man._ _

__Well, he wasn’t going to get any. And Pitch could only stare blankly at North before he spoke._ _

__“Frost, be a dear and go out and find something that actually qualifies as a baby bottle. You can manage that, yes?”_ _

__“Pft…! Um yeah, sure, but I-”_ _

__“ _Now_ …”_ _

__“Yes, sir.” The frost sprite, unwilling to incur the other’s wrath, quickly made his escape out the window. And if anyone heard him start cackling like a maniac when he wasn’t even ten feet from the window, they made no comment._ _

__Pitch averted his gaze to Sandy._ _

__“Sanderson, please take that monstrosity and dispose of it. Toothiana, please then take the child for a spell,” he said, “And all of you except North, out.”_ _

__Bunny, his mouth free of the pacifier, looked like he was about to protest. But as the saying goes – hell hath no fury like that of a scorned parent. And so when he made to open his mouth and protest – _loudly_ – the Pooka froze up in place at the _look_ Pitch gave him. Bunny felt his own voice catch in his throat, and his fur stand on end. He’s seen _that look_ before a few times – on mother bears when their cubs were being harassed. And he would bet his best egg that he looked like the stupid human who thought it would be a great idea to run up and give the cub a hug._ _

__And in the blink of an eye, suddenly he, Tooth, and Sandy were outside the door to the newly constructed nursery. Tooth looked a bit awkward with the fussy baby in her arms. The baby herself seemed rather displeased to be out of the Boogeyman’s arms, and her displease scowl was making them feel just a tad put-out…_ _

__“So…” Tooth started, fidgeting, “Should we be…you know, worried?”_ _

__Sandy almost immediately started shaking his head, but paused and frowned to himself. Then he shrugged meekly in uncertainty. Bunny, however, only scowled at the door with an impatiently tapping foot. And for just a moment, the two remaining Guardians were reminded of a certain spunky grey rabbit from an old Disney film._ _

__They were not going to voice this observation however. North was once brave – or stupid – enough to do so a few years ago. He didn’t get the pink out of his beard for three weeks…_ _

__“So, what I miss?” Jack, now returned with a pack of normal-sized baby bottles, said as he entered through a window near them._ _

__“I think Pitch is giving North a talk on proper childcare…” Tooth offered. She was pretty sure that was what it was, but at the same time, she had to wrack her brain to try and remember if there were any blunt or pointy objects left in the nursery._ _

__Jack slowly nodded, shifting the six-pack of bottles under his arm and twirling his staff with the other. A thick, tense silence settled over them, only interrupted by the occasional dissatisfied croon or whine from the child. Tooth was quietly attempting to calm the child, and possibly win her over, but to no avail. A few more tense moments passed, with not a single sound coming from the door. They wondered if Pitch maybe used his Nightmare sand to muffle any yelling, maiming, or murdering going on behind the door. It was a thought, and not one the others wished to dwell on._ _

__Finally, after a good eight minutes had passed with still no one coming out, Bunny grew impatient._ _

__“That’s it, I can’t take this! I’m going in!” He bellowed, stomping for the door._ _

__“Wait no, Bunny-!”_ _

__Before his furry paw could grab the doorknob, the door spontaneously opened, admitting one very wide eyed, slightly pale North, and a disgruntled Boogeyman. The two had a bit of a stare off with Bunny, before Pitch rolled his eyes and planted his fists on his hips._ _

__“I do hope you didn’t drop her while I was busy,” he scoffed._ _

__Bunny looked like he was about to spit a rather nasty, not too child friendly, remark at Pitch, but was stopped when Tooth flitted over with the baby._ _

__“She’s here…” she meekly offered up the child like a sacrifice for an altar. Pitch made a noncommittal noise and gladly took the child with the same gentle arms he always used, despite his obviously sour mood._ _

__“Now then…” his gaze locked onto Jack, making the frost sprite flinch, “I see you managed a simple errand. Perhaps you are not a lost cause after all…”_ _

__Jack, unsure whether to take Pitch’s words as a compliment, an insult, or both, merely nodded slowly in acknowledgement._ _

__“Now then, before I decide to risk anymore blunders, all of you are to learn how to make proper formula.” And with that, Pitch strutted away and towards North’s kitchens. How he knew where they were, they would never know, but they all followed the Boogeyman anyways._ _

__Except North, who was still standing stalk-still in the same spot they left him. Bunny, thankfully, took notice and hopped back over to the large man._ _

__“Oi, mate, you okay?” he asked. North nodded ever so slightly. Bunny frowned as he noticed something off about the man’s eyes. His cheeks were redder than usual, and his eyes were glassy…_ _

__“North…” he started in both concern and astonishment, “Are…are you _crying?_ ”_ _

__“No!” North bellowed, quickly swiping his hands over his eyes. He snorted loudly and stomped after the others. “I am fine!”_ _

__The Pooka soon followed once he broke out of his stupor. And all the while, he had to wonder just _what_ it was Pitch had said to North…_ _

__****__

__**

~s~S~s~

**__

__**** _ _

__Turns out, making formula was not as easy as it looked – which you would think it was. It was basically just mixing powder into water or a baby-safe base, mixing, tossing it into the microwave, then serving. This is what the instructions on the back of the formula container said at least. But, according to Pitch, they were wrong._ _

__“I don’t _care_ what the damn container says, has it ever had a child before? No!” the Boogeyman raved, tossing out what had to be the twentieth attempt at formula the Guardians made._ _

___‘I’m pretty sure you never had a child either, buddy…’_ were Jack’s thoughts, and likely the others’. But unless they wanted to have their tongues cut out or their entrails spilled, they wouldn’t have voiced this. _ _

__Apparently making formula required exact measurements, boiling water – not a microwave, Pitch made that very clear – additives, testing, and overall scrutiny. And there was _a lot_ of scrutiny…_ _

__“You did this three times already!” Pitch snapped, dumping yet another bottle down into an all too eager elf’s mouth, “It’s too cold!”_ _

__“Well sorry! It feels hot all the time to me!” Jack shot back, now quite frustrated._ _

__Testing formula was rather tricky for him – involving shaking a few drops out onto the thin skin of the underside of the forearm. But Jack, being a winter spirit, had a very cold body, and therefore had a different perception of temperature. Even a lukewarm drop of liquid could feel scalding to him. And on the thin, sensitive skin of the wrist, it was only made worse. So while he could put in the proper ingredients with the right measurements, testing was his weak point. And assuming his were always too warm, he would chill the formula he makes and present it for inspection for Pitch._ _

__This would be his eighth failed attempt._ _

__“Then either get out, or let someone else handle it…” Pitch growled._ _

__Jack was about to throw out a remark consisting of just where Pitch could stick his formula, but a patient – though weary – hand on his shoulder from Sandy stopped him. The Sandman had been put on entertainment duty to the increasingly fussy child in the kitchen highchair. She was obviously hungry and growing impatient, and her frustration seemed to act like kindle to Pitch’s already flaring temper._ _

__“Oi, why don’t you just make the stuff then?!” Bunny snapped, scratching at his irritated ears. His forearms being so furry, he had to test the formula on the paper-thin skin of his ears. Not a pleasant experience, especially if it was hot._ _

__“Because…” Pitch started in a slow, careful voice, as if he were speaking to a particularly slow child, “If I happen to not be around, I am not just going to leave her alone with completely oblivious idiots who can’t even warm a damn bottle.”_ _

__“And just what exactly would you be out doing?” Bunny growled, narrowing his eyes suspiciously, “If you’re going out and scaring the snot out of kids, we’re not just going to-”_ _

__“Oh please, you think I will have the time or energy to spread Nightmares now?” Pitch scoffed, crossing his arms, “No, not happening anytime soon. I’m talking about trying to find where she came from.”_ _

__This caught the whole kitchen’s attention, including the two elves chugging ‘failed’ formula under the prep table. Bunny seemed the most stunned, as he had veered back as if to avoid a right-hook, and openly gaped at Pitch._ _

__“Wha…? Where she-? You’re going to look for the kid’s mum?” He asked in disbelief._ _

__“Of course I am!” Pitch bristled, as if insulted, “She’s no spirit-child, and although she won’t have as long a life expectancy as us, I don’t quite enjoy the thought of playing nursemaid to a human child. She’ll be susceptible to Nightmares, and simply including a human infant into our realm is just asking for trouble.”_ _

__Again, the Guardians were a bit gob-smacked. It was a stretch to think he could care for the infant, but they had been proven wrong. But now the Boogeyman was not only going to be a fulltime nanny, but also try and find the baby’s parents?_ _

__They were suddenly reminded of those single parents juggling work and a child all at once. It was one of those rare situations where the Guardians felt worse for the parent than the child. Regardless, they were feeling a bit conflicted._ _

__“Wait, how are you even going to find them?” Tooth asked._ _

__Pitch scoffed, “Please, if the girl’s parents lost her on accident, or she was by chance taken from them, they’ll be absolutely _saturated_ in terror for her. Parental fear is easy to sniff out, and there are plenty of places in the area to check out,” he said. “She’s also _at least_ three months old. It’ll simply take a bit of shadow-play to check any hospital records for a black haired, green eyed infant born at least three months ago and check the parents.”_ _

__The Boogeyman suddenly smirked, but it was not a happy, mirthful thing. This was a black, wolfish snarl full of teeth and narrowed eyes. It was the kind of black-painted grin that expressed nothing but malice and ill-concealed contempt._ _

__“However, if she was in fact abandoned, there’s a higher chance of finding a human in the Burgess area with a particularly pungent fear of being found out. Perhaps an unwed teenage girl. Or a stupefied woman that had an unplanned pregnancy. Either way, I am certainly going to enjoy tormenting them with Nightmares of a lost, starving infant crying out for them…”_ _

__The Guardians, including Jack, had to question if the room suddenly dropped a few degrees in temperature. The collective shudder they all conceived was a good indicator, but then again, it could have been the utterly delighted yet wrathful look Pitch was wearing. And despite his very real threat towards a human, the Guardians couldn’t really bring themselves to feel angry towards Pitch. If the baby had in fact been abandoned, they certainly couldn’t do anything in retaliation. And if Pitch just happened to find a girl who abandoned the baby, teen or grown woman…well, they only protected people below the ages of twelves._ _

__“Now then, obviously we’re not going to get this right in one night,” Pitch said, suddenly back in ‘parent-mode’, “You all can leave, and we’ll _maybe_ resume tomorrow if I feel like it.”_ _

__And with that, he quickly yet meticulously mixed the formula, warmed it, and tested it. Once he deemed it at the right temperature and mixed correctly, he picked the little girl up out of her highchair and walked back to her room to be fed. And judging by the high squealing and grabby hands, she was quite eager for her dinner._ _

__The Guardians, once sure he was out of ear-shot, all released a huge sigh of relief and slumped over the counters and tables. As much as they wished to contribute to the child in their – and Pitch’s – care, they did _not_ want another lesson on formula-making in the morning. And they all prayed to Manny that Pitch would simply be in no mood to teach them. _ _

__They all regained their bearings and straightened from their rather ragged and exhausted positions over various surfaces…_ _

__And came face to face with a very messy, very formula-covered – both wet and powdered – kitchen. A moment of silence passed between them, before it was broken by their resident Pooka._ _

__“I ain’t cleaning this mess…” he grumbled. The others silently nodded._ _

__“Elves will get it…” North muttered tiredly. And it seemed they needed no further coaxing, as a few elves were already licking counters and slurping puddles. He made a mental note to get one of his Yetis to use actual cleaning methods on the kitchen later._ _

__Everyone made to split off and crash in their own given rooms, but were suddenly stopped by Sandy hauling them back by a few sand-tethers._ _

__“Ugh, what is it, mate?” Bunny grumbled, obviously tired, and quite simply _fed up_ with the night._ _

__The Sandman waved his arms with a concerned expression. He formed an image of Pitch and their new charge over his head, along what various sharp objects hovering around them. The sand forms vanished, and he pointed towards the nursery._ _

__“You think he’d really hurt her? After all this?” Jack asked meticulously. Sandy only shrugged and pointed towards the nursery._ _

__North hummed thoughtfully, “Would not hurt to check. And I would like to stay up until Pitch retires to bed himself.”_ _

__The others groaned, but were not about to readily hop off to bed. The wellbeing of the baby came first, and despite all of what Pitch did for her, they wanted to be sure. For all they knew, Pitch had just staged a very good act until he was alone with the baby._ _

__Making up their minds, the five Guardians made their way towards the nursery. At one point, Bunny had taken out his boomerang, and this had prompted Jack into carrying his staff in a more defensive position. This left North’s hands itching for his sabers, and Tooth her rapiers. Sandy seemed to be the only one not about to go on the defensive, and not-so-discreetly rolled his eyes at the others’ antics._ _

__They approached the door to the nursery, of which was left open just a slight crack with dim light pouring out of it. The Guardians huddled together and peeked inside, nearly crushing one another in their eagerness._ _

__Thankfully, Pitch was not harming the child or frightening her in any way, shape, or form. Rather he was perched on the rocking chair in the corner by the crib, rocking gently with the little girl in his arms as she eagerly chugged down her dinner. The Boogeyman was humming an unknown tune quietly as he held the quickly draining bottle to the child’s mouth. And once the last drop was sucked into her mouth, the baby released the nib from her mouth and yawned, obviously ready for bed._ _

__Pitch got up and laid her against his shoulder, patting her back gently until she gave a high-pitched hiccup. She went limp in his hold and crooned in his ear, her tiny hands trying to clutch at the velvet fabric of his cloak. Pitch chuckled lightly and took her to the crib. He meticulously inspected the blankets and woodwork, as if he was expecting it to collapse in on itself at a mere glance. North gave a slightly affronted look for having his Yeti’s work being criticized, but Pitch either ignored him or was oblivious to their spying._ _

__Satisfied that the crib was in proper order, he gently set the child into the plush cot and tucked her in. She yawned loudly and blinked sleepily up at Pitch, as if trying to fight off her need to sleep. She reached up a pudgy hand for him, and the Boogeyman chuckled softly and let her grab one of his fingers._ _

__“Go to sleep now, darling,” he crooned, gently pushing her hand down by her side. He brushed a loose strand of her thick black hair from her forehead._ _

__The child, as if understanding the dark man’s request, shut her eyes and settled into her cot. In almost no time, she was fast asleep, and Pitch straightened from his position over the crib. He reached over and turned the lights down until the room was almost completely dark, and submerged in a dim yellow-orange glow._ _

__He watched the little girl for a few moments more, as if waiting to see if she would wake up. Assured, he made his way not to the door, but to the over-stuffed armchair on the other side of the nursery. He elegantly sat down on it and picked up the book sitting on the small side-table next to it. Confusion set over the Guardians. Wasn’t he going to bed now…?_ _

__Almost as if he heard their thoughts, the Boogeyman’s sulfuric eyes suddenly shot off from the open page and to the door. The Guardians were so startled, they nearly buckled and fell through the door. But Pitch’s warning glare seemed to stop them from making a ruckus, and he scowled at them._ _

__“What?” He hissed softly._ _

__North nudged the door open slightly, and with his quietest voice – a feat for the rather loud, and boisterous man – said, “You are not going to bed…?”_ _

__Pitch rolled his eyes, “I am not tired. I’m nocturnal, why would I go to bed during my own waking hours?” he said, “And besides, she’s probably going to get hungry again in a few hours.”_ _

__The others blinked owlishly at this information, suddenly uncomfortable. But then again, it now just seemed to occur to them that Pitch was, in fact, a night-dweller like the majority of them. But this also concerned them greatly, as Pitch looked like he planned on staying in the nursery with the sleeping child while they all slept._ _

__North frowned at this, “Pitch, you do not need to-”_ _

__“But I do, and I will,” Pitch hissed, shutting his book with a quiet snap, “Now leave or you’ll wake her up.”_ _

__“Now listen here you creep, we ain’t leaving the ankle-bitter alone with you!” Bunny snapped._ _

__He and the others suddenly froze when a distressed whine came from the crib. Their heads veered over to the now struggling baby in the crib, her legs kicking and her face scrunched. She whined again and wriggled a bit more, before she settled. Unaware that the five were simultaneously holding their breath, they looked over to Pitch._ _

__The Boogeyman was giving them all a look usually found on rabid animals that had their tails stepped on. His pupils were dilated into cat-like slits, and his scowl only seemed darker and nastier with the dim lighting of the room._ _

__“You have exactly ten seconds to leave…” he started slowly, “Or have your eyes gouged out.”_ _

__Pitch didn’t even get his whole threat out before the Guardians fled to the Globe Room. They were now left tired and frightened, wide eyed and anxious in their own skins._ _

__“Do we, uh…” Jack started uncertainly, “Do something…?”_ _

__“Like what?” Bunny grumbled, trying to flatten down his bristling fur, “Ask him to leave the kid by herself? Be my guest, frostbite.”_ _

__Jack chose not to comment on Bunny’s words. One, the Pooka had a point, and two, he was too tired to come up with a snarky comeback._ _

__“There is nothing we can do…” North said, pinching the bridge of his nose, “I am sure the child will be fine, let us just get some rest and continue this tomorrow when we have more energy.”_ _

__Agreeing, the Guardians steadily split off from one another and went to their own rooms with parting goodnights to one another._ _

__Except for Tooth. Who, once sure the others were not around, sighed and fanned herself as she slumped onto the ground, her cheeks flushed a soft red._ _

__And if for a moment she thought seeing Pitch get so protectively aggressive over a baby girl was beyond attractive, she wouldn’t comment on it._ _

__To be continued…_ _


	7. Chapter 7

The fact that the Guardians were not able to sleep a wink that night was, all things considered, not at all surprising. Honestly, sleeping in the same building as the Boogeyman? Where he was most definitely _not_ sleeping and none of them could keep an eye on him or the child? Really, it was more a matter of how they were able to make it to their rooms and _stay there_ all night, and not camp outside the door to the nursery. 

Actually, this is false – all five of them had made at least one attempt to try and act as a standing guard for the door. But, whether due to the apprehension of who was in the room, or some form of stilted nerves, they never made it outside their own rooms, and would later retire dejectedly back to their beds. 

Come morning, the bright sun of the north shining obnoxiously in through their windows, all five Guardians found themselves very tired, very cranky, and very much in need of some coffee. Jack had actually sent a silent prayer to Manny politely asking him to please go and kick the sun’s ass so that he may continue to brood in sleepless darkness. Sadly, the sun and its shining ass remained un-kicked. 

All five were gathered around the round table situated in the dining area outside the kitchen, cups of different drinks in hand. Jack couldn’t stand the bitterness of coffee, and opted for a chocolate milk – he originally wanted a sugary, caffeinated soda, but one look from Tooth had him reaching for the dairy product. Sandy, unsurprisingly, was nursing a glass of eggnog, with Tooth beside him tentatively sipping at her tea. She was eyeing North and Bunny in an almost apprehensive manner, both of the larger Guardians gripping cups of sugar and cream loaded coffee in their hands. No one had taken more than maybe one or two sips of their drinks.

Bags and dark splotches hung heavily under the five spirits’ eyes, their gazes listless and unfocused. This mildly surprised Jack – considering how busy all of them were, you’d think they were used to sleepless nights and unfavorable mornings. 

His and the other’s musing were broken by the sound of silent footsteps reaching their ears. They looked up at their visitor, and had to almost literally squash down the instinctual urge to attack.

Pitch paid them all little mind – he actually seemed to be making a point in ignoring them. He carried a very familiar bundle of green blankets in his arms, the occupant of said fabric just as excited about the morning as the Guardians. Pitch moved past the Guardians wordlessly into the joining kitchen. Moments passed, with the familiar sound of dishes being moved, a fridge being opened and closed, something being shaken, then heated in hot water coming from the kitchen. 

The Boogeyman walked back out a minute later, a freshly made bottle in hand and the child cradled in the crook of his other arm. He wordlessly took a free chair – the furthest one from the Guardians – at the table and settled gracefully into it. Cradling the little girl to his chest, he presented the bottle to her, and she sleepily latched onto her breakfast.

It was dead, uncomfortable, _silence_. 

No one said or did anything outside of staring at the motionless Boogeyman. What do you say to a shade playing nursemaid to an infant? What do you _do_ in these kinds of situations? Make conversation? Ask how the other’s night was? Offer food? Drink?

Bunnymund – ever the brash and charmingly tactless Pooka – seemed to give them their answer.

“The hell were you up to last night, mate?” He grunted.

It was not the subtlest way of breaking the ice, but it certainly got the room’s attention – more specifically, Pitch’s. The Boogeyman slowly lifted his head from where he was watching the baby starting to wake up and eagerly chug her breakfast, and locked his eclipse eyes onto the frowning Pooka. Everyone outside Bunny and Pitch – and the oblivious baby – held their breath. If now there was ever a time for Pitch’s famous mood swings to suddenly throw them for a loop, now was the time.

But thankfully – or unthankfully, it really depends on who you’re asking – Pitch only blinked slowly. He oddly reminded them of an unimpressed cat watching some human commit some foolish antic. 

“Yes, Bunnymund, I would love some coffee,” he said evenly, before turning his attention back to the girl, “Two spoons of sugar, no cream.”

If it were under any other circumstances, this would have been very humorous. Jack actually snorted and had to bite his lip at the look North gave him. Though in his defense, Bunny’s face was a rather comedic sight. The way his ears just seemed to _drop_ to the sides of his head, eyes wide and mouth screwed up in an outraged, uneven line, and his left whiskers twitching almost spastically – how could he _not_ laugh?

“Excuse me…?” He rasped, oddly calm.

“You are excused,” Pitch replied flatly, pulling the bottle away from the child when it became apparent she was more interested in trying to suck the now empty plastic into her mouth, “And watch your language. She may be an infant and not understand, but she is still an impressionable child.”

Something audibly snapped in Bunny’s head. Everyone was certain of this.

The Pooka stood up so fast that his chair scraped back obnoxiously, and his abdomen hit the table edge hard enough to knock his now cold coffee over. His fur bristled and he snarled openly at Pitch.

“You do not get to treat me like some servant-boy, got it?!” he snapped, pointing a claw at the impassive shade, “We have been nothing but hospitable, and-”

“You call prowling outside the girl’s room and attempting to spy on me ‘hospitable’?” Pitch deadpanned, narrowing his eyes. 

The Guardians actually had the decency to flinch slightly at the accusation. So he did notice. Oddly, they weren’t half as surprised as they outwardly showed. Pitch was the King of Nightmares and the ruler of darkness and shadows – for all they knew, he was spying on _them_ from the shadows as they slept. 

_‘That’s a comforting thought…’_ Jack thought with a shudder. He hoped Pitch didn’t see his vast collection of stuffed penguins and polar bears…

Bunny looked like he had finally grasped a proper response to the jibe, but was stopped when North placed a heavy hand on his shoulder.

“Just bring out extra mug for him,” he said calmly, “We shall discuss things later.”

Though irritated and still highly flustered, Bunny complied grudgingly. He shot Pitch one last suspicious glare before he stomped off for the kitchen. 

“And I will know if you spit in it or do something equally as foul, so don’t even try,” Pitch called after him.

Bunny stumbled slightly, but didn’t turn to confront the Boogeyman. Instead he growled lowly to himself and stormed off out of sight. 

The room fell into an awkward, tense silence. No one made any attempt to start a conversation, or even make eye contact. The Guardians were shifting their gazes between one another, as if expecting someone other than themselves to say something. So far, no one really had the guts to so much as ask how the weather was…

Jack, however – whether in a moment of naivety or bravery (stupidity) – finally spoke up.

“So…uh…” he cleared his throat, tapping a finger against the table, “So how was she last night? Sleep well?”

“Yes, actually,” Pitch said offhandedly, but not unkindly. He set the empty bottle down on the table and leaned the child against one shoulder, gently patting her back until she let out a small hiccup that slightly jolted her against him (Tooth would not deny cooing at the display), “Out like a light, only woke up hungry two or three times.”

“And that’s…good?” Jack asked skeptically. If he were woken up even once at night, he’d be pretty cranky. Yet Pitch, while still sharp tongued, was acting so…subdued. 

Pitch snorted as he settled the girl in his arms, “Please, one can expect to be woken up every two hours in the night with a child young enough. And even then, some will wake and call for their daddy or mommy to scare the monsters away…”

What once started out as a decent breakthrough in conversation now took a rather bitter turn. The Guardians eyed one another and shifted uncomfortably in their seats. Jack suddenly seemed to run out of topics to discuss. Thank the Moon for Sandy – silent, yet always has something to say.

He got Pitch’s attention and formed a duplicate of the child’s cradle and the baby herself. Question marked appeared to swirl above the sand-child, and he gave an inquiring quirk of the brow. Pitch scowled.

“No, Sanderson, she did not dream,” he said evenly, but there was a note of warning in his voice, “Even if she did, and I was even remotely tempted into turning it into a Nightmare – which I would _not_ – there is still the risk of creating one accidentally with me in the direct vicinity.”

“Then why not just leave her alone?” Bunny grumbled. He roughly planted the coffee mug on the table and slid it towards Pitch. The Boogeyman caught it before it could tip and spill its piping hot contents on the child – whom was taking a rather deep interest in the odd fabric of Pitch’s cloak.

“You _do not_ leave an infant alone, _especially_ at night.” He growled. He brought the mug up to his mouth and sniffed its contents, staring into the dark liquid. He didn’t smell any sign of tampering or poison so far.

“Why though? I mean, she doesn’t do much, what would she be doing in her sleep?” Jack asked.

Pitch fixed the frost sprite a look that could only be described as deadly. He’s pretty sure he’s seen that look given to dogs from cats. Or perhaps when he once made a very vague implication of Tooth putting on just a _tiny_ bit of weight…

“Aside from her possibly crawling out of her crib, becoming distressed in some manner, smothering herself in her blankets, or I not hearing when she needs to be fed again…” – pause for dramatic effect – “I’m sure North’s elves would find it just _delightful_ to try and take her out for a sordid adventure.”

“Nyet! Elves would do no such thing!” North snapped in outrage.

“Then tell them to stay out of her bloody room…” Pitch said through clenched teeth. 

It was apparent he was using every fiber of his being to not outright curse at the Guardians, and it seemed like his already thin tolerance and patience was starting to waver. Seeing this – they could all practically see the metaphorical thread in his head being stretched to its limits – the Guardians decided not to press the issue any further. North was left frowning into his drink, muttering about ‘elf-proofing’ some of the rooms or some such thing. 

The lapse in silence was broken by the sound of the little girl cooing insistently in Pitch’s arms. Pitch looked down at the young girl, his features visibly softening as he brought a hand up to take one of her tiny hands in his.

“What is it, princess?” He inquired softly.

The child only squirmed and tugged as hard as she could – which wasn’t very hard – on Pitch’s hand. She turned her head this way and that, before she paused and babbled insistently. She used her free arm to flail out and seemingly point towards the door leading out of the dining area and into the Globe Room.

“What does she want?” Tooth asked tentatively. 

Pitch seemed to consider the child in his arms, adjusting her slightly when she almost managed to break free of his hold.

“I think she is bored,” he said, before turning a condescending look to North, “I suppose it is expecting too much if I were to ask if you have safe baby toys?”

Not one to back down from a challenge, North crossed his beefy arms and puffed out his chest, “Nyet, we have baby toys. Even infants have wishes and desires.”

Pitch only offered a noncommittal sound to the Russian, and quickly drained his coffee. He stood and pushed his chair back in with a nudge of the hip, securing the baby in his arms.

“Good, I expect to see them within ten minutes for her entertainment,” he said, before he turned on his heels and made for the Globe Room to let the baby crawl around and get some of her jitters out. “Don’t dally, Cossack.”

And once the doors closed, the Guardians were left with their colorful thoughts. Bunny, as usual, seemed rather outraged and was no doubt thinking up many scenarios of how Pitch could die. Tooth and Sandy just seemed uncertain and worried. Jack was mentally marking off all the possible ways to rile Pitch up and turn him into an icy blue stain on a wall. And North, he was already barking out orders to a nearby Yeti to, ‘bring out best baby toys we have! Yes, even from the unreleased shelves! GO!’

He seemed determined to impress Pitch for some reason…

****

~s~S~s~

By the time North had returned – flanked by two Yetis carrying two crates each of baby toys – it seemed the child had already found a means of entertaining herself.

More specifically, North’s hat, jacket, and a potted plant.

Pitch was perched watchfully on an armchair, watching in amusement as the baby girl made a fluffy fort out of North’s jacket and a potted miniature Christmas tree as a support. She was hugging North’s hat like a teddy bear, and judging by the oddly stiff tufts of fur in some places on it, she’s been chewing on it as well…

“You know, at first I was against her touching your garish things,” Pitch offered nonchalantly, “But come now, who can say ‘no’ to that face? I hope you don’t mind.”

The cheeky grin he gave them was something to envy – or at least for a hyena or a ravenous wolf. North almost wanted to pick the thin man up and throw him into the roaring fireplace. Almost. 

“Nyet, is just fine,” North said, waving a hand dismissively. Judging by the slight drop in Pitch’s grin, this wasn’t the reaction he wanted, “But! I have devised small selection-”

“Small my tail…”

“-of baby toys for little girl to choose from!” North went on, seemingly not hearing Bunny’s muttered grousing. 

“I can see that…” Pitch deadpanned, eyeing the crates of toys almost apprehensively. Though to be fair, they were rather big. “And you expect me to believe any of what is in those boxes are safe?”

“Of course! I had them all tested!” North bellowed.

“By whom?” Pitch grumbled, “And if you say, ‘baby Yeti’, you can turn right around now and dump them out into a furnace.”

North paused suddenly in his next declaration. His jaw snapped shut, and he blinked at Pitch with wide eyes, suddenly sheepish. He seemed to deflate slightly, and his confident grin turned meek.

“Eh, no, no, they were…tested by…” he paused, trying to find the right words, “Ah…Jack!”

“Jack _who?_ ” Jack rasped to North, staring up at the man in disbelief. Bunny actually snorted and covered his smirking muzzle with a paw, while Tooth bit her lip and Sandy palmed his forehead.

Pitch was flat in expression, but there was a spark of amusement in his eyes. 

“Charming as that mental image is…” he stood up and brushed his cloak off, sauntering over to the suddenly tense Yetis, “I think you can leave your ‘inspection’ to me.”

Tendrils of shadows suddenly sprouted from the wall and snatched up the crates like large snakes. The Yetis grumbled and barked nervously at having their cargo taken, but the boxes were lifted out of their reach and brought over to Pitch. A tendril pried into one crate and tore it open seemingly without effort. Pitch reached in and pulled out what looked like a simple green ball with yellow flowers on it.

“Assuming she even likes a third of these things, I’m sure this will go splendidly,” he said brightly.

It went anything but ‘splendidly’…

The ball passed Pitch’s inspection, and the little girl seemed to have an utter blast with the little round thing. She laughed and giggled and cooed as she would roll it away and chase after it, or roll it to someone else and demand they push it back to her. She eventually discovered its ability to bounce and make a small, low squeaking sound, which prompted an excited cry from her as she worked her arms into bouncing it as hard as she could – which wasn’t very hard, mind you.

And along with the ball, only three other toys passed the inspection. One was a box of colorful blocks with animals painted on them. The next was a toy bird on wheels that, when pulled back, would ride off a small distance while flapping its thick wings and singing what sounded like ‘jingle bells’ – this disgruntled Pitch at first, but the little girl immediately demanded the thing, and he gave in.

And lastly was a stuffed horse. Black, with a dark yarn mane (trimmed down so she wouldn’t choke if she put it in her mouth), and boasting shiny gold eyes. It use to have blue eyes, but Pitch – the savage man – had scowled disapprovingly at it and picked up a yellow eyed stuffed puppy – it was too fuzzy and the tail too long for the girl. And much to the Guardians’ – mostly North’s – horror, he tore out the puppy’s and the horses’ button eyes. Using a needle made from Nightmare sand, he used the remaining threads to sew the puppy’s yellow eyes into the horse’s head. And then he promptly dumped the mutilated puppy back into the ‘reject’ crate. 

The little girl happily fell in love with the dark horse and would scowl brimstone and hellfire at anyone who got too close to it. North mourned the prototype puppy he had so much hope for…

Everything else was stacked and tossed haphazardly and without care back into the crates. Pitch deemed almost everything in the boxes either too dangerous, hazardous, or just stupid. Some other stuffed toys made it out with Pitch’s approval, along with some other generic baby toys, but those four toys were her absolute favorites.

“What about this one?” Tooth asked hopefully.

Pitch looked up from scrutinizing a poor, defenseless elf doll, and up at Tooth’s suggestion. He nearly gagged at the green dressed, blond haired, sparkly winged, _fairy doll_ that the _fairy queen_ held. And was it just him, or did it look like she had attempted to stick some feathers into it at some point?

“No…” he deadpanned. _Hell no_ was what he wanted to say…along with some other, equally colorful words. 

“Oh come on! What about this handsome guy?” Jack piped in, holding up what, to Pitch, seemed to be the result of the frost sprite rifling through the ruined rejects and putting together some kind of macabre version of himself in doll form.

He blinked slowly at the stuffed polar bear in a blue long-sleeve shirt, holding an overly long magic wand, and…and was that the yarn hair from that overly fluffy sheep doll he rejected on its head? By the Moon, Frost was worse than he was at ruining toys. Pitch was almost jealous.

“No,” he said firmly.

He was about to reach for another toy (the poor thing), when Sandy suddenly floated into his field of vision holding something garishly yellow in his little hands. He presented it meekly to Pitch, and the Boogeyman held no illusions over the utter horror he felt. 

It, whatever it was, appeared to be a large, stuffed five-point star with an overly large smiley face on it, and _glitter everywhere_. The wide smile reminded Pitch disgustingly of the Sandman’s own gap-toothed grin. It made him sick.

“Not a chance,” he growled. He no sooner shot a warning look at Bunnymund, who was eyeing him warily as he tried to discreetly hide a grey stuffed rabbit behind his back.

North presented a stuffed Santa toy with a sword. Pitch tossed it into the fire without even so much as a word of his repulsion. 

North seemed close to tears again. 

“You, sir, are beyond cruel…” Jack muttered, sitting sulkily in an armchair with his mini-twin by his side. “What did the toys ever do to you?”

“I could ask you the same thing about the elves, what with how much you randomly flash-freeze them,” was Pitch’s flat response.

Jack made to retort, but found no clever response on his tongue. He only pouted and grumbled about stubborn Boogeymen and Scrooges that hid under beds. The toy inspection was soon over at this point, and Pitch waved a wrist deftly and had the crates shoved to the back wall via his shadows. He inspected the room thoughtfully, as if he were searching for some toy stupid enough to have tried to avoid him. He found none, and turned back to the Guardians.

“Well, that went much smoother than I anticipated,” he said pleasantly. 

The others almost wanted to argue, but thankfully decided it wasn’t worth the headache. Or the mutilation of their little toy doubles – North had demanded a remake of his lost Santa doll immediately from one of his Yetis. 

“Great, she got her toys, now what?” Bunny groused. 

“Perhaps we should find girl more clothes?” North suggested. She only had about a week’s worth of baby clothing, but as babies went, they were messy, and she’d need a nice sized wardrobe. 

“No, we obviously let her have play-time,” Jack said, deftly kicking the ball back to the mentioned baby.

“The girl is fine as she is, we can deal with other items later,” Pitch said firmly. Sandy suddenly frowned and waved to get everyone’s attention. 

They watched curiously as the Sandman made various Dreamsand arrows and pointed them all at the baby girl, and question marks popped up around them. He shrugged, and gestured to the girl.

Pitch looked anything but impressed, “Sanderson, we call children like her ‘babies’.”

Sandy scowled and puffed up in indignation at the completely missed point. He spread the arrows around until one was pointing at each Guardian and Pitch. Above each arrow appeared their own names in sand – North, Bunny, Tooth, Sandy, Jack, Pitch…and a row of question marks over the baby, who was playing obliviously with her blocks.

Everyone’s brows shot up in surprise, and they stared at Sandy and then looked over at the little girl.

They haven’t given her a name yet…

 _‘How did we miss THAT?’_ They all wondered. 

Looking to one another inquisitively, the spirits shuffled in place briefly before anyone spoke up with a suggestion.

“…we can’t name her,” Bunny suddenly said.

“What? Why not?” Tooth inquired, glaring at the Pooka.

“Because! It’s like when some kid picks up a stray dog and gives it a name!” Bunny argued. The others blinked, bewildered at his strange logic.

“…she isn’t a dog, Bunny,” Jack stated, “And…what’s your point?”

Bunny scowled, gesturing to the baby girl, “Frost, I’m being serious here. It’s a proven fact that once you _name it_ , you start getting attached to it!”

“…so you want us to put that thing back where it came from, or so help you?” Jack grinned.

“Ye-NO! You little-!” Jack only slapped his knee and cackled as the Pooka threw a doll at the frost sprite. 

North, Tooth, Sandy and Pitch only rolled their eyes and regarded one another. Though Bunny had a somewhat fair point, they doubted it would come down to them keeping the girl. Especially if her parents were looking for her. It wouldn’t even be her actual name if that was the case. It would simply be a name they would use so they wouldn’t have to keep calling her ‘girl’ or ‘the baby’. That was _all_ it was. 

“…I like Ekaterina.” North blurted out.

Reeling back, Pitch and the other Guardians expressed their disapproval of the name. Even Jack and Bunny seemed to lose interest in their argument to express their outrage. And so the naming war began.

They all argued heatedly on what to name the baby girl. North kept insisting on Ekaterina or some other Russian name, Bunny was spouting off flower and bug names like a machine, and Tooth was constantly being shot down for her various forms of teeth names. Jack would keep insisting on Jaqueline, Jackie, or the oh so very creative Jack Jr. Sandy…well, no one could really tell what he was saying – North was blatantly ignoring the poor star’s suggestions. And Pitch was, as usual, shooting down every single attempt at a name the Guardians made.

And by the time everyone was shouting at one another all at once, Pitch had finally had enough.

“STOP!” He shouted, getting everyone’s attention. He rubbed at his temples and glared at each Guardian in turn, “No, no, absolutely not, not happening, _NO_. Period.”

“Well who says you get to name her, huh?” Jack snapped, “I’m the one who found her! I should get to name her.”

“Oh like Jack Jr. wasn’t even a remote implication to your narcissism,” Bunny muttered.

“Hey! At least mine don’t sound like pet names!” Jack snapped at the Pooka, “I mean really? Daisy? Daffodil? POPPY?”

“At least mine was original!” North bellowed.

“Was not!” Tooth screeched, causing everyone to flinch.

Sandy threw up various symbols regarding just how dumb everyone’s choices were, and how stupid they were acting. Pitch had to hand it to the star, they were acting stupid about this. But his name suggestions were just as bad…

Sighing in aggravation, Pitch rubbed at his aching forehead as the others continued to prattle and shout at one another. Gods, what he would kill for an aspirin – or a stiff drink really. Maybe he could raid North’s liquor cabinet when he wasn’t look-

_Crash!_

Everyone jumped suddenly at the sound of pottery breaking and something swishing down onto the floor. Swiftly turning, they looked over at where the girl was. Or at least where she should have been. Where once there was a girl was now a deflated fort and a pile of dirt, a broken pot, and a loose plant.

At first stunned, the Guardians were jolted from their shock when Pitch let loose a rather un-manly yelp and bolted to the plant. The Guardians all rushed after Pitch as he slid to his knees and dug around in the pile of loamy soil and the dirty coat. He was practically hyperventilating by this point as the tiny girl was lost in the dirt pile.

“Where is she, where is she…?!” He rasped. 

The others stood by nervously and anxiously. Did she maybe hit her head? Or cut herself on the pottery? They were all going over every possible thought that could mean the child’s inevitable pain or harm. It did little to no good in comforting them.

The tree suddenly shifted, and a slight coo was heard. Pitch froze as a lump of dirt moved and was pushed up and dripped down a mop of dark hair. The child’s head popped up out of the dirt, looking all too pleased with herself as she dug around in the dirt. She giggled as she shook some dirt off her head and unearthed one of her many blocks, presenting it to Pitch proudly like a newly discovered treasure. 

The Boogeyman stared wide eyed at her for a long moment, before he seemed to deflate and hunch over in relief and exhaustion.

“By the gods, child, don’t scare me like that…!” He rasped. The baby cocked her head in confusion, lowering the block. Did he not like it?

“I-is she okay?” Tooth asked, hovering closer to the child. The girl looked up and scowled at the fairy, throwing a clot of dirt at her – and missing the fairy by a whole three feet. 

Pitch picked the girl up and dusted some of the moist dirt off of her, much to her chagrin. He inspected her closely for any signs of injury, and let out a sigh of relief when he found none.

“She’s fine…” he sighed, calming slightly, “Dirty, but fine.” 

Everyone seemed to sigh in relief at this, and were all suddenly exhausted. Pitch blew a hair that had fallen in his face out of the way, and began to wipe off more of the dirt from the girl. She pouted and whined, trying to shove his hand away – she seemed quite determined to remain covered in dirt. Pitch chuckled as he wiped a smudge from her button nose.

“None of that now you little troublemaker, you don’t need to be covered in dirt to have fun…” he suddenly paused and frowned, observing the child.

Dirt…soil… _earth…_

The Guardians tensed at the Boogeyman’s seemingly scrutinizing the baby girl. They could not tell what he was thinking, but he seemed contemplative. He suddenly stood up with the girl in his arms and hummed thoughtfully to himself. He cocked his head and flicked a bit of pine from her shoulder as he pursed his lips. The girl seemed to find this humorous and laughed at the otherwise intimidating face Pitch was making.

“Ah…Pitch?” North inquired carefully.

Pitch didn’t answer, but after a moment, his features cleared and softened. He smiled warmly at the girl in his arms and cocked his head to one side as he spoke, as if testing the word.

“Gaia.”

To be continued…


	8. Chapter 8

Despite what others might think, Pitch was not all that awful to kids…

…okay, maybe he was a bit harsh, and downright terrifying to them – sometimes he took pride in scaring the crap out of them, what can you do? But when you’re the Boogeyman, and it’s your job to be a grade-A puppy-kicker, you can’t really help what your impressions are on others. Specifically, those who were created to make you stop scaring kids and ruling the dark. The Guardians either did fully realize that Pitch really had no other option than to scare kids, or they’re so far up their own busybody asses that they don’t realize that _it’s his job_ to be the Boogeyman. 

He was fully inclined to believe it was the latter. 

_‘So why am I finding this ironic?’_ He wondered. Although the answer was very simple, he didn’t bother acknowledging it; it was too good. 

“Oh come now, Bunnymund, she’s only curious,” he said nonchalantly from his perch on an armchair, book resting open in his lap.

“Yeah, but can’t she be curious about something else…?!” Bunny yelped as his poor, sensitive ears were once again yanked by tiny, overly eager, surprisingly strong hands.

“You’re the one who wanted to get her to play with your eggs and paints, face the consequences,” Pitch deadpanned.

“The consequences include ear pulling and Bunny being unable to stop her?” Jack chuckled, perched on his own chair with his stuffed polar bear double.

“Yes. And furthermore, she should not be playing with possibly toxic paint.” A turn of the page punctuated Pitch’s comment.

“They ain’t toxic – _ow!_ – they’re completely organic and natural!” Bunny snapped.

Gaia, sitting on the floor surrounded by her toys, seemed all too smug about her recent ‘catch’. She honestly reminded Bunny of the cat who proudly caught its first mouse. North, Tooth, and Sandy had to get back to work – Sandy was needed on the other side of the planet, Tooth had tooth duty, and North…well, North claimed he was going to create the ultimate baby toy. Pitch was not the least bit impressed.

“So, what are we going to do?” Jack suddenly asked, ignoring the whimpering Bunny, “I mean, it’s been a whole day. Maybe the kid’s mom is looking for her now.”

“I thought as much, but my Nightmares report nothing on a frantic mother in search of her infant child,” Pitch sighed, shutting his book. He leaned back into his chair and crossed his arms, “No traces of fear of being found out, for the child herself, or any form of anxiety relating to a child are present in Burgess.”

“Do you think she’s from out of town?” Jack asked curiously. Pitch shook his head.

“No, it makes no sense. If a mother was coherent enough to go to a whole new town to dump a baby, she would have just taken her to an orphanage or to a hospital anonymously.”

Jack frowned, at a loss. He wanted to find the kid’s mom as soon as possible; more or less for two reasons. One, he still wasn’t comfortable with Pitch of all people taking care of her. And two, he really wanted to know if she was actually abandoned – if not, then great, problem (mostly) solved. But if she was…the saying ‘when hell freezes over’ came to his mind. And he was going to be the poster-child for this saying one day.

Ignoring the sudden yelp as Gaia discovered a rather tug-able tuft of hair in Bunny’s ears, Jack looked at Pitch oddly, “How do you know all that stuff?”

“About what, Frost?” Pitch groused, obviously trying to think. He had that brooding look on his face again.

“About… _everything,_ ” Jack made a sweeping gesture with his hand. “About how to take care of her, feed her, dress her, bathe her, all of it. And how do you know about anonymous hospital drop-offs?”

Pitch rubbed his temples, “Jack, for as ancient as I seem, I am not so reclusive as to not be up to the current knowing’s of today’s era.”

Jack looked briefly confused, eyes blinking owlishly. Bunny – doubled over from Gaia trying to tie his ears together – suddenly piped in.

“He means he ain’t stupid, kid!” He snapped.

Pitch nodded, “And honestly, it’s hard for me to not know. Many teenage or single mothers expel the most pungent fear when they discover a child has come from a careless night with a boy. Teenagers are selfish and fear what their parents will think, and how much trouble they will be in. They think their only option is to dump children rather than take a more considerate route. They will never forget it though, no matter how much they try and pretend the child does not exist. It haunts them for the rest of their lives.”

“Wait, you…you’ve _seen_ kids be dumped?” Jack rasped, disbelieving. He only became more shocked when Pitch nodded sagely.

“From newborns to teenagers and everything in between,” he said. “It is not as rare an occurrence as you may think. Some are found, some…are not. Humans just can’t be sensible enough to drop them off some place safer than an alley or dumpster.”

“And you just _let_ it happen??” Jack shouted, getting to his feet with staff in hand. 

Gaia suddenly startled at the outburst, falling onto her back and releasing Bunny’s ears. Though the Pooka was relieved, he was no sooner concerned when the child began to cry on the floor.

Jack cringed at the sound, taken back to the lake where he nearly lost his hearing when he first found her. Pitch threw Jack a nasty scowl.

“Now look what you’ve done!” He snapped.

Jack’s shoulders hunched, face contorting into a guilty frown as Pitch put his book aside and marched over to the crying infant. Kneeling down, he gently scooped the little girl up into his arms and cradled her to his chest.

“Hush now, little one, it’s alright…” he crooned, rocking her gently and smoothing her dark hair back. 

Still, she only continued to cry, face flushed red as tears streaked her chubby cheeks and tiny fists flailing. Pitch sighed, shifting so Gaia was cradled in one arm against his chest. His other hand now free, he made a deft swirl of the hand, and conjured up a flock of three black butterflies. Fluttering over her head, their angular flapping wings soon caught her attention, and her sobs calmed into distressed hiccups. Her teary eyes widened and slowly dried as she stared in amazement at the apparitions above her head.

“Oooh…” she cooed, mouth open in wonder.

Bunny, mostly recovered from the abuse of his ears, tensed slightly when she reached up to grab one. But before her fingers could so much as graze a wing, they vanished into puffs of gossamer black sand. Blinking, Gaia pouted in disappointment, looking like she was going to cry again.

“Now none of that…” Pitch said, kneeling to pick up her horse toy. Gaia squealed happily and hugged her favorite toy. Pitch sighed, before he directed an annoyed, heated glare at Jack while she was distracted.

“I’m going to put her down for a nap,” he groused, marching for the door. 

Gaia’s toys shuddered briefly as their shadows were gripped in a tight hold, all rolling or marching after Pitch in some creepy imitation of a parade. Jack was brought from his morbidly fascinated staring when Pitch stopped at the door and sneered at him.

“And for your information, it’s not like I _could_ stop those foolish humans,” he growled, looking tired, “Not many believe in me, let alone see me, and that’s a given with adults and teenagers. What could I possibly do for a confused, abandoned infant who knows not of fear?”

And with that, he swept out of the room with the giggling, though slightly tired, Gaia in his arms. Jack watched the door, uncertain, as if expecting the Boogeyman to march back in and give him a piece of his mind. But nothing happened.

Looking down at the carpet where Gaia had once been playing, Jack felt a burden of guilt drop into his stomach. But part of him felt a bit justified; how was he to know Pitch wouldn’t want to leave abandoned children on their own? But another part was scolding him for being so presumptuous and assuming. Pitch was a nasty, mean, and sometimes cruel man. But from what he has seen today and yesterday, Pitch wasn’t _evil…_

Jack looked over at Bunny, who was trying to gently rub some feeling back into his ears. Oddly he did not jump in to defend Jack’s claim. Many would think he would be the first to want to start an argument with Pitch. And yet…

“Bunny…” he started, “Have…have you ever seen kids be abandoned…?”

Bunny paused from rubbing his ears, eyes wide and slowly veering to Jack. The frost sprite was startled to see such a…haunted look in the green eyes. Bunny’s ears dropped to the sides of his head, and he crossed his arms as he sat on his haunches.

“Yeah…” he said softly, “Yeah, we all have a few times. Never easy to see, or to stop. But…”

“They can’t see you?” Jack asked. Bunny shook his head.

“Sometimes they do, sometimes they don’t,” he said, “Babies are tricky. Some are just born with that sense of wonder and joy and dreams. But others aren’t and need to experience them. We can’t just pick some kid up and take them to a safer place when it happens, Jack.”

At Jack’s halfhearted rebellious look, Bunny continued.

“It ain’t that simple, mate. Kids are left behind all the time, and we can’t save them all,” he said, looking down at the floor, “It’s like sickness. No matter how healthy you try to keep yourself, you’re going to eventually catch a cold. In this case, no matter how much we may want it, not every child will get a happy beginning, or an ending.” 

“But…we’re the Guardians. The Man in the Moon chose us to-”

“Watch over and protect the kids we _can_ protect,” Bunny sighed, “Mate, we’re not heroes, or gods, or whatever you may think we are. We’re as much people as any human is, and we have limits. If we could save everyone in the world, hell, I’d be the happiest bunny alive…but it doesn’t work like that…”

He suddenly glared at the floor, as if remembering something as a strange, dark look came over his face. It was like resentful admittance.

“Someone has to be miserable out there for others to be happy…” he said stonily. It was like he was reciting a line, or repeating a quote, “Otherwise, how can you know if you’re truly happy?”

Jack frowned, “I don’t understand…”

Bunny sighed, scratching his chin. He got up on his feet and lumbered for the door without looking at Jack.

“One day you will, kid. One day you will…” he said, before he paused at the door, “I just wish you didn’t have to know…”

And with that, he left Jack to his confused thoughts. 

****

**

~s~S~s~

**

****

By around noon, the Guardians were gathered together in the dining room for lunch and to catch up on the latest news of their work. Apparently Tooth hit the motherlode when a team of grade-school hockey kids met in a four way collision out on the ice in Canada. North was practically vibrating with his eagerness to show off his newest invention – to Gaia, he claims, but it was clear he was looking for Pitch’s approval for some unknown reason. Sandy had finished his rounds on the other side of the world and was currently working on his eighth glass of eggnog (Jack was certain they would eventually have to pose an intervention for the little guy), while Jack and Bunny reported a rather uneventful day keeping an eye on Pitch and Gaia. They left out the little dispute from a few hours ago, not wanting the others to get upset. It simply wasn’t worth it.

“But you haven’t seen him since this morning?” Tooth asked curiously. Jack shook his head.

“Nope. Last I heard, he was putting her down for a nap, but I haven’t heard or seen him since, and neither has Bunny,” he said. 

A big, fat lettered ‘WARNING’ appeared over Sandy’s head, his expression concerned. North nodded with a frown.

“Indeed, is unusual,” he said, “Perhaps we should check up on them. If what you say is true, Pitch and Gaia have not been seen for three hours.”

“Do you think he took her away?” Tooth asked worriedly.

“Doubt it, the sod ain’t that stupid,” Bunny grumbled. 

North suddenly stood up, one hand on the holster of his saber, “We shall go check on them, just to be sure.”

“No need.”

The Guardians startled by the sound of the low, accented voice. Turning, they watched as Pitch made his way towards their table with Gaia in his arms. The tiny girl was sucking on her pacifier and seemed to be paying them no mind, rather transfixed on the Nightmare sand butterflies following her and Pitch everywhere for her amusement. The Boogeyman hooked a foot around the leg of a spare chair, pulling it out before gracefully sliding down onto it. A wayward shadow brought out a freshly made bottle – the Guardians were stunned to not have noticed it being prepared in the next room – and watched as Pitch coaxed the pacifier out of Gaia’s mouth and replaced it with the bottle.

Though once again stunned by Pitch’s rather expert motions with the child, they seemed to notice something… _off_ about Pitch.

Dark smudges hung under his eyes, and the amber orbs were dull and almost listless. Where once the Boogeyman would sit with an almost perfect posture, he seemed to slouch into the chair. His hold on Gaia was also the slightest bit looser, as if she were a bit too heavy for his lanky arms. 

Pitch actually looked _tired_.

“Uh, Pitch…?” Tooth started. Pitch acknowledged the fairy woman with a low hum, and Tooth shifted uncomfortably in her chair.

“Are…you okay?” She asked.

“Of course I am, why would I not be?” Pitch muttered, his focus primarily on the girl in his arms.

“Well for one, you look like you’re about to keel over,” Jack said flatly, “And for another, you look more like a walking corpse than you usually do.”

The jibe was supposed to work the Boogeyman up into some semblance of normalcy. But Jack’s only response was another low hum and a narrowing of eyes. The Guardians each looked at one another, stunned. A jab at Pitch usually warranted a scathing remark or comeback on his part. He has never once missed a chance to rub their shortcomings in their faces.

Bunny frowned, eyeing Pitch warily, “What exactly have you been up to all day, mate?”

It was probably the most civil sentence Bunny has ever said to Pitch, which worked everyone into a state of shock once again. Pitch sighed tiredly and looked up at the Pooka with irritated eyes.

“Keeping an eye on Gaia, all the while trying to locate her parents,” he responded.

“You took her out of Workshop?!” North bellowed. Pitch scoffed.

“Of course not you brainless Cossack, she’s too vulnerable to be out and about, let alone accompanying me into looking for her parents,” he hissed.

“So then…how is it you were looking for them…?” Tooth asked tentatively. 

“My shadows. While I am able to stay one place physically, I can focus a part of my consciousness to any other place that has a shadow,” Pitch explained, briefly taking the bottle from Gaia so she wouldn’t chug her lunch, “It is tedious, and takes a lot out of me, especially if I try to uphold two sets of focus points in two different areas for more than an hour.”

The others were visibly shocked, and perhaps a bit impressed. It certainly explained why Pitch looked so tired and worn. Projecting one’s consciousness was not an unknown ability to spirits, but ti was very well-known how taxing it could be. Most spirits capable of mental projection couldn’t hold more than two external points outside of their current focal point, but Pitch seemed to imply that he had done more. This explained why he seemed so tired and not up to hulking up his usual energy and spite. Spirits could suffer anything from fatigue, migraines, or even fall completely unconscious if they really pushed themselves. 

North sat back and gazed at Pitch with fascination and a mild sense of admiration in his eyes.

“That kind of mental projection is very advanced,” he said, “That is very impressive.”

“It’s nothing, I had help with my Nightmares as well,” Pitch said, setting the now empty bottle on the table, “It’s a bit easier to mentally link up with them than just throw half my awareness miles away.”

“And did you find anything?” Bunny asked. Pitch shook his head as he leaned Gaia against his shoulder and patted her back.

“Not a thing…” he sighed, “No reports of a missing baby, no known teenage pregnancies or births, and no records at the local hospitals of a black haired, green eyed baby girl being born within the last few months.”

Jack’s brows shot up, “You got all that in just three hours?”

“I’m a stubborn man, Jack. You above all else should be familiar with dedication and hardheaded persistence,” Pitch said, a wry smirk coming to his lips.

Jack blushed slightly, slightly taken aback by the teasing jab. He wouldn’t deny it though; he was stubborn as a mule and just as persistent when he was focused on something. The other Guardians were no exceptions either.

“So what do we do now?” Tooth asked.

“It is hard to say…” Pitch said, contemplative as he set Gaia down in his lap. She immediately latched onto the open collar of his cloak and started tugging, “On the off chance she is from someone from out of Burgess, I’m going to be quite preoccupied in the search. But on the other hand, perhaps I simply missed something.”

“What’s this ‘I’ thing you’re going on about?” Bunny asked suspiciously, “We’re as much a part of this as you are.”

“And yet you have not spent any amount of time looking for her parents, have you?” Pitch sneered at the Pooka, “All you’ve done is hover over me in anticipation of some form of child abuse. Well let me set something straight for you, Guardians – I have no intention of harming Gaia. Infants are not in my criteria of frightening. There’s no point in me harming her, especially within the vicinity of your headquarters.”

The others were chastised, but silently relented. He had a point; there was no gain from him harming or scaring her. They would know the instant he tried anything and be at his throat before he could say ‘uncle’. And another point he made was that they had, in fact, not been helping much in the search. Gaia and Pitch have been with them for almost two days now, and yet they have not once openly contributed outside of rejected toy suggestions. 

It was North who spoke on remedying this, “What would you like us to do? What can we do to help?”

“North-” the Russian held a meaty hand up to Bunny to keep him quiet. 

“You can start by staying out of my way,” Pitch said bluntly, “I am more than capable of handling Gaia and the search. You all just focus on making brats happy.”

“Oi! We just offered our help, you don’t get to just throw it back at us and spit on it!” Bunny snapped, pointing a claw at the Boogeyman.

“Do keep it down, Pooka, you’ll scare her. _Again,_ ” Pitch deadpanned. 

Bunny made to retort, but Sandy put a hand on his arm to calm him, shaking his head. The fallen star faced Pitch and ran through a series of gestures and sand images. Pitch scoffed at him.

“As if I would leave her in your care,” he said, “You all can’t even get near her without her bursting into tears, what makes you think you could watch her while I go out on the hunt?”

“Practice makes perfect…?” Jack offered lamely. Pitch fixed him a flat look, of which the sprite responded with sticking his tongue out.

“No, out of the question,” Pitch said. He got up with Gaia in his arms, “You all just mind your own business and let me do what I need to do. Because until you can get within ten feet of her without upsetting her, you’re not helping in any sense of the word.”

And with that, he made to leave. Scrambling for some way of changing him mind, North stood and gestured to the table.

“You are not going to eat?” He asked after the retreating Boogeyman, “We have not seen you eat the whole time you were here.”

“I am not hungry,” was Pitch’s annoyed reply.

He no sooner vanished down the hall leading to Gaia’s nursery, leaving the others a bit disheartened. It was silent around the table, everyone now slightly uncomfortable, and others (Bunny) agitated and upset.

But of course, Jack had to break the tension in his own special way.

“Geez, must be his time of the month,” he said cheekily.

Tooth kicked his shins under the table.

****

**

~s~S~s~

**

****

More time passed, and the Guardians and Pitch seemed to settle into a routine. For the Guardians, it was get up, wash up, get dressed, eat breakfast, try to find a way to work into Pitch’s routine and get Gaia used to them (to no avail), leave disheartened, work, eat lunch, work some more, check up on Pitch and Gaia, eat dinner, go to bed. For Pitch, it was get up, wash up, bathe Gaia, dress her, feed her, let her play for a while, feed her again, nap, wake and play some more, feed her dinner, get her settled in with a story, rock her to sleep, watch over her, and don’t sleep. Well, the last bit was up to speculation for the Guardians. They didn’t know what Pitch did during the night. He was nocturnal from what they could observe, and yet he’s awake all hours of the day for Gaia’s sake.

Speaking of, she wasn’t exactly adjusting to the Guardians. No matter what they tried, she just seemed so unimpressed with them. It was baffling; kids loved them! And babies got a kick out of their appearances, eyes wide in fascinated curiosity, wanting to grab at feathers, fur, and beards, always struck in great awe by their snow, eggs, toys, and sand. And yet, when they tried to entertain the little girl, she would only scowl as much as a baby could and turn her nose up in disgust. Or, worst case scenario, she would start to cry, in which case Pitch would go into ‘papa bear’ mode and (sometimes literally) kick them out of the immediate vicinity. 

Which, in all shocking surprise, did nothing terrible for his sudden popularity.

Over the next week or so, other spirits have dropped by to see the unknown child, and even bring gifts and supplies for her. Toys, baby clothes, blankets, diapers, and other such things were now in abundance for Gaia. Jack no longer needed to make milk runs or spare his pocket change for diapers or new bottles. It was already provided.

And it seems Pitch has become quite the lady’s man among the female spirits. Apparently the ‘single, loving father’ gimmick even extended to the spirit world. Jack nearly gagged when he caught Pitch practically being fawned and cooed over by some water nymphs that brought Gaia some bath toys and natural soaps. The Boogeyman was as stone faced as ever, even with the nymphs pawing over him and complimenting him on his ‘fatherly dedication’. Somehow his cold shoulder made him more attractive to them; after all, who didn’t love a stony father that virtually melted at the sight of his daughter?

Jack simply did not understand it. And when he voiced this to Tooth, she could only scoff and go off into a fifteen minute rant about how _appealing_ it was. Poor Jack virtually fled the Workshop during her rant and rave on how ‘sweet’ Pitch was to the little girl. The fact that even Tooth was falling under the swarm of swooning females only made Jack worry, and go to North.

The Russian had only shook his head and muttered, “Is how women are…”

Bunny said something similar, but Jack was more inclined to believe North’s explanation. Bunny’s was just plain crude and demeaning; both to Pitch and women. 

Sandy…well, he only shrugged and gave Jack a mildly amused look. 

When Hal dropped by with a Jack-o-lantern rattle as a gift – Pitch actually complimented him on the woodwork, much to North’s chagrin – he asked the Monarch of Monsters what all the fuss was about. Hal simply sighed and pat Jack’s shoulder in bemusement.

“We’re men, Jack, we’re not supposed to understand girls. We’re not as clever as them,” he said with a wry grin.

_What the hell does that mean,_ Jack wondered. Maybe he was the weird one…

But for now, he could only sit in the corner and watch in morbid fascination as Pitch, sat on the floor with Gaia and her blocks, was once again surrounded by two visiting girls. This time it was the Seasonal Fairy sisters; Summer and Spring. 

“Oh she’s so cute!” Spring crooned to the toddler, who only gave the bubbly flower spirit a dep frown.

“And all that hair on her head! I’m so jealous!” Summer gushed, practically flopped over Pitch’s shoulders.

Pitch made no comment, his focus being on helping Gaia create a tower for her horse plush to hide in. The girls only giggled at his cold shoulder and draped themselves over him. It made Jack want to vomit. They were so disgustingly infatuated; they tugged at the collar of his cloak, smoothed his hair back, tweaked his ears, draped themselves like blankets over him, and had their faces way too close to his for what can be considered appropriate. There was a child present for Moon’s sake! Two if you count Jack!

“Shouldn’t you two be elsewhere right now?” Pitch asked flatly, slightly annoyed that Summer was sitting on part of his cloak. He couldn’t move very much since they were crowding him, and his legs were falling asleep. 

“No! We always have time for little Gaia!” Summer giggled, tapping her fingers against Pitch’s arm.

“Indeed, and we always have time for you as well, Pitch,” purred Spring.

Pitch faintly cringed as the spring spirit pressed herself closer to him, nearly wedging his arm into her bosom. This was getting ridiculous, and he was very uncomfortable right now. 

He was just about to voice these feelings of disgust and annoyance to the chipper spirit, but paused when a blur of green briefly invaded his vision. The next time he blinked, Tooth was at his side and had Spring’s ear in a death grip.

“Spring! Long time no see! What are you doing over here when you could be over on the other side of the Workshop?” She chirped in that sickly sweet voice that made Pitch want to gag.

“Tooth, what are you-OW!”

“What? I just want to talk to you! We barely hang out anymore!”

“We never-AH!”

“Come along now, I’ll make us some tea or something.”

And with that, the suddenly deadly Tooth Fairy dragged away the loudly protesting Spring spirit by her ear. Pitch blinked owlishly, unsure just how he should take in the situation. He quickly became distracted when Gaia decided that his cloak would make a lovely hiding place, and watched in bemusement as she crawled under the drag of his cloak and climbed her way up into his lap. 

Somehow oblivious to the remaining female, Summer giggled and cooed as Gaia soon poked her head out of the plunging neckline of Pitch’s cloak. She looked around briefly, as if confused as to how she got there. Oddly to Jack, she reminded him of a kangaroo joey poking its head out of its mother’s pouch. The thought nearly made him sick. Summer took Spring’s place nestled against Pitch’s side. 

“I never knew you were so wonderful with children, Pitch,” she teased, “I always knew you were a softy.”

“I am not a ‘softy’ as you put it…” Pitch muttered.

“Oh don’t start with that whole ‘dark, broody, and evil’ act,” Summer giggled, walking her fingers up Pitch’s arm.

He shuddered, suddenly quite uncomfortable. Across the room, Pitch could see Jack turning a rather sickly shade of green. He was actually giving Pitch a look of sympathy. Why, the very nerve!

“Please remove yourself from me, you’re going to agitate Gaia…” he growled as patiently as he could.

“Oh nonsense! Gaia loves me!” The blond woman leaned in closer to Gaia and grinned, pinching her cheeks, “Isn’t that right, sweetie?”

Gaia, whether from anger or the face pinching, seemed to turn an interesting shade of red in the face. A loose gold lock had the misfortune of being dangled in front of her then, and like any angered baby, she knew she had to take the offer where it was given. 

“Now, Pitch, why stay here in the Workshop? You know I would be all too happy to have you and Gaia stay in my grove and-AUGH!”

If Gaia were to ever one day meet anyone who claims babies were too weak and helpless in rid of bad ladies upsetting her papa, she would scalp them – like what she was trying to attempt with Summer from the safe confines of Pitch’s cloak. 

Startled, Pitch veered back slightly as Gaia tugged the woman’s hair harder, resulting in it being pulled further and Summer giving a startled shriek. Jack was at first dumbfounded, before he suddenly cracked and fell in a pile of giggles to the floor. 

“Gaia?!” Flustered, Pitch picked the little girl up and tried to get her to let go of the Summer’s hair, to no avail. If anything, he wasn’t making that great of an attempt to get her to release Summer to begin with…

“AH! Get this brat off of me! Oh, you little tart! Let me go!” Summer shrieked. 

Glaring, Pitch snarled at Summer. With a wave of his hand, he was about to summon a rather lovely weapon of Nightmare sand, but before he could fully form it and use it on the irate woman…

“Back off, sister!”

Tooth made her appearance once more, this time flitting like bat out of hell at Summer and tackling her to the floor. And almost immediately, a cat-fight broke out, which only seemed to amuse Jack even more as he started to cackle uncontrollably. 

“What is going on here?!” North bellowed, marching into the room with Bunny and Sandy on his tail.

He paused however at the scene before him. Tooth and Summer were tearing feathers and leaves out of one another, all the while hurling various insults and high pitched screams at one another. Jack was practically a rolling-pin on the floor, guffawing uncontrollably. Pitch just looked irritated yet relieved, and Gaia was happily clutching her prize of golden hair in her tiny hands. She looked quite proud of herself…

“…what the hell…?” Bunny rasped.

“Don’t ask…” Pitch grumbled.

Gaia only raised her chin up in pride as Pitch pet her head. She saved her daddy from the stupid lady!

That just left that silly bird lady as competition. _No one_ gets her daddy but _her…_

****

**

~s~S~s~

**

****

“Pitch, we have been thinking…”

“Oh, that’s dangerous.”

“And we think it would be best if you…took day off, shall I say?” North, ignoring the insult, continued.

Pitch, sitting on the other side of the dinner table with Gaia in his arms, gave the Russian man a deadpan look. Clearly his thoughts on the suggestion were less than agreeable, but it was only a matter of time before something went to hell and back. 

“And why, exactly, would I leave Gaia in yours and the Guardian’s care?” He hissed.

“We want to get to know little girl!” North crowed, grinning at said girl. Gaia only fixed him a glare, made all the cuter by the bottle still in her mouth.

“Yeah, and it’s not like we can’t help in the search either,” Jack jumped in, “Six heads are better than one.”

“Tell that to the Hydra,” Pitch muttered. He was completely ignoring the plate of food in front of him – somehow North got the impression he was hungry (he wasn’t!) and decided to try and coax Pitch into the evening meal.

“Look, we’re trying to level with you here, got it? The least you can do is consider it!” Bunny snapped.

“And I’m telling you it’s none of your business,” Pitch shot back, “You are free to try and befriend her, but I am not leaving her in your care!”

Sandy waved a hand, images swirling over his head. He pointed at Pitch, before smirking and silently giggling to himself, the images dissolving. Jack gave a lopsided grin and looked up at Pitch.

“Sandy’s right, Pitch, you need to cut the cord already,” he chuckled.

Well at least Pitch found use for the mashed potatoes on his plate, all of which quickly found itself slapped right into Jack’s smug face. The frost sprite yelped and nearly toppled out of his chair, while Bunny guffawed at the flailing sprite. 

“Pitch, we’re serious,” Tooth broke in, “If we don’t find her parents soon, she might no longer be taken back. Babies associate with whoever takes care of them, and if she just latches onto you…”

“Then you’re stuck with her.” Bunny finished, watching in amusement as Jack tried to both simultaneously lick and wipe the potatoes off his face. 

Pitch narrowed his eyes, redirecting his gaze to Gaia. They had a point, he would admit to that. But he did not trust them! Gaia despised them anyways! She hated North and his stupid beard, she blatantly ignored and disregarded Jack and Bunny, Sandy she looked at like he was a floating gold turd, and she practically hisses and clings to Pitch whenever Tooth got near him; it was like she was trying to tell the fairy that he was _hers_. It virtually made Pitch glow with pride.

Ah, _sentiment…_

_‘I can’t keep her though…’_ he thought mournfully. _‘She does not belong to the spirit realm – none of us have sensed a hint of magic on her since she got here. Worse come to worse, we’ll have to take her to someplace that will take her…’_

Pitch despised the thought of putting the girl in some orphanage or foster care. And getting attached to her would only hurt them in the end if they kept her; she would only grow old and die long before any of them. It wouldn’t be fair to her or them…

“Let us make deal, yes?” North suggested. Pitch looked up, intrigued, while the others looked at North in anticipation. Apparently they were not savvy to this new plan of his.

“We take care of girl in shifts-” – North held a hand up before Pitch could protest – “In day. While at night, you and Sandy search for missing parents. You can both look into human consciousness while they sleep, and therefore determine if any human knows of, or is associated with, little Gaia.”

Pitch frowned, “You want Sanderson and I to simply go out at night, and have me _hope_ you take care of her properly for those hours?”

“I am simply suggesting we be productive and logical,” North said firmly, crossing his arms, “It is no good just letting one person search for parents in area and beyond. If we work together, I am sure we can find some clues. You both have better chance of searching with your sands than with just your eyes and ears.”

Pitch only scowled, but he made no open objections. He was brought out of his resolve when Gaia, finishing her bottle, pulled it out of her mouth and cooed up at Pitch. She giggled and reached up to try and grab his nose – it apparently fascinated her, and she was constantly trying to make a grab for it whenever she was close enough. 

He couldn’t stop the smile that spread over his lips as a tiny hand softly gripped the tip of his nose. Ignoring Tooth’s squeal of delight, he sighed, shutting his eyes in thought. It’s not fair to prolong this as it already is, he thought. He had to get this over with and get her to a safe place with humans where she belonged. He was already growing attached, and his reputation as a brooding, heartless bastard was going up in flames because of her.

_‘The sooner she’s gone, the better…’_ he thought. Sighing, he opened his eyes again and looked up at the waiting Guardians.

“Deal…”

To be continued…


	9. Chapter 9

For Pitch, night had come far too soon for him and the Guardians. It was ironic really; all day that morning, he had been dreading when night would befall the Workshop. It would mean it was time to leave his little Gaia in the care of those thrice damned Guardians. He never knew the day would come when he, the Boogeyman, a night dweller, a consort to the night itself, shadows and darkness incarnate, would dread the coming of the night. But he did, and he was absolutely _furious._

“Oh come on, Pitch, it won’t be so bad!” Jack, ever the loveable and naïve winter sprite, tried to make the whole situation better for Pitch, but to no avail. If anything, he was making things worse for Pitch.

“I mean, come on, what’s the worst they can do?” He asked, “I mean, outside dropping her…feeding her something bad…forgetting to change her…letting her handle sharp, pointy objects…or leaving her alone with the elves-”

“Enough!” Pitch snapped, throwing his hands up. Jack immediately shut his mouth as a grey finger was pointed at him.

“I am well aware of all the absolute _hell_ they can get into, and you’re not helping matters!” Pitch snapped, “So please, if you’re going to come with us, keep your mouth _shut_ , your wild imagination in your thick head, and for the love of all that is my sanity, it is not a dress, it’s a _cloak!_ ”

Jack, the snide little shit, only continued to grin obnoxiously at Pitch through his whole rant. But, the point must have gotten across in some way, as the sprite merely shrugged and held his hands up in surrender before turning to converse with a smug Sandman. 

Pitch scowled at the little man, “And just what are you smirking about?”

Sandy didn’t yield any response outside a knowing look and a quirked brow, before his attention was back on Jack. Pitch sighed, exasperated. And these were the twits he was going to be stuck with all night. Fabulous. 

His attention was pulled towards an insistent tugging at his cloak. Looking down, he locked gold irises with a pair of large green ones, tiny hands gripping the drag of his cloak. Gaia cooed up at the Boogeyman, curious as to what was going on. Pitch was either oblivious to the slight quirk of his lips and the softening of his eyes, or he simply could not hide it. He bent down and picked up the little girl in his arms, holding her securely to his chest.

“What is it, princess?” He asked, before he smirked, “Is that stupid rabbit trying to get you to paint eggs again?”

At the mention of the Pooka, Gaia’s cheeks puffed up and turned red, her scowl prominent. Pitch laughed gleefully as the child made a disgusted noise at Pitch’s mention of Bunnymund, her tiny fists curled in aggravation. 

“Yes, he is a disgusting rodent, isn’t he? Yes he is~” he cooed, poking her cheek. Gaia squealed and batted his hand away, grinning from ear to ear.

“And that big fat man, he’s quite annoying isn’t he? Always laughing uproariously, stuffing himself with sweets – he’s as much a burly beast as those Yetis of his isn’t he? Isn’t he?”

Gaia leaned back in Pitch’s arms, giggling uncontrollably. He wasn’t sure if she understood what he was saying or not, but hey, she was agreeing with him! She was quite entertained listening to Pitch insulting the Guardians, and he was getting just as much a kick out of it as she was. 

“And that little green bird, do we like the bird-lady?” Pitch crooned, poking Gaia’s belly.

Gaia, in response, blew a raspberry and scowled. No! She did not like the bird-lady! She was a dummy-head! And she tries to take her papa’s attention away from her!

“Hah, of course we don’t! You’re my only girl aren’t you? Yes you are, yes you are~”

Gaia let out a delighted squeal, laughing uncontrollably as the Boogeyman bent down to blow ticklish raspberries on her soft belly. Squealing and flailing, she kicked her legs in an attempt to escape her ‘attacker’, to no avail. All the while, Pitch could only grin to himself in delight, seemingly unable to stop his poking, tickling, and crooning to the baby girl in his arms. 

“Ahem…”

He suddenly froze, the spell broken. With eyes wide and lips still pressed to Gaia’s stomach, he looked up at his audience. Bunny, Tooth, and North stood to one side of him, the latter holding a map in his beefy hands. All three wore varying levels of expression. Bunny looked both parts faintly amused and distraught, his nose twitching over an oddly twisted mouth; was he trying to smile or grimace, Pitch wondered. North seemed to be beaming, as if he had singlehanded defeated an army with nothing but a bent steak knife – while he was still eating. And Tooth…he wanted to puke. She looked absolutely _infatuated_ , her hands pressed to her cheeks and an absolutely mad grin on her face, her eyes sparkling with some kind of… _something_ in them. 

Blinking owlishly, Pitch swerved his eyes over to where he had completely forgotten where Sandy and Jack were. Sandy, the little shit, seemed to be attempting to break his head in half with the giant grin he was wearing, little hands pressed to his lips as he practically vibrated with contained laughter. And Jack…well, he was on the floor, seemingly trying to hide himself under his staff with his arms over his head, and muttering into the floor about investing in a camera. 

Pitch was unaware of his cheeks burning a very dark purple, his blush spreading and creeping up his neck and face in a wave of heat and thorough embarrassment. They all looked so disgustingly _happy…_

And Pitch wanted to _kill them all._

Slowly, Pitch raised his head up from the giggling Gaia, straightening his stance and staring straight ahead and not looking at any one of the Guardians. Slowly, his flush reduced itself to a slight purple glow to his cheeks and little pinpoints on the tips of his ears. Stoic and expressionless, Pitch adjusted his hold on Gaia until she was _professionally_ held against his chest, and giggling away in her aftermath. 

“So did you get the locations?” He deadpanned as flatly as he could manage – the effect was lost due to not only the child in his arms, but the blushing as well.

A smirk slowly stretched Bunny’s mouth, and he crossed his arms, “So, _daddy_ , what exactly were you-”

“Bunnymund, for the benefit of everyone in this room, I suggest you reschedule your attempt to break my balls and drop it before I make you into a nice pair of slippers and a blanket for Gaia,” Pitch said flatly. 

Bunny only guffawed and slapped his knee, waving a paw at Pitch. North cleared his throat, trying and failing to lose his own grin. The Russian presented the map to Pitch and his two companions for the night. 

“Ahem, yes, we have located and marked all hospitals in and around the Burgess area for you,” he said, opening the map. It showed various red dots – ten to be precise – in and around Burgess, “Yetis have found all ten have maternity and delivery wards, and keep records. How many have you searched so far?”

“Four. These ones,” Pitch pointed to three hospitals just a bit outside Burgess, and the one in the town itself, “No records, but I suppose we could check again. Keep those nimrods out of my hair…”

“Oh come on, Pitch, you love us~” Jack cooed in that same sickly-sweet way Pitch was doing not even two minutes ago. The Boogeyman wanted to knock the damn brat’s head off – then use his staff to play baseball with it.

Sandy caught their attention, various images forming over his head as he gestured away, _what if all the hospitals are dead ends for us?_

“Then we will next check missing persons reports,” North answered.

“And if that fails?” Jack asked.

“Check orphanages and foster homes – she could be from one,” North said with a helpless shrug, “And if absolutely nothing comes up…”

He didn’t need to say what he was suggesting; everyone knew the fate of the child if they did not find her a proper parent. Time was running out as well. She was already growing attached to Pitch, and he to her. They did not want to deal with separating the two; it would be cruel to the child, and might also cause more problems for the future.

“Well what are we waiting for? Let’s hit it!” Jack crowed.

“Hold horses, Jack,” North placated, “This is serious. We cannot afford to be distracted.”

Jack pouted, but relented. North was right; he couldn’t get up to his usual antics when there was a child to think about. So that meant he had to get serious and hold off on his silly comments and even sillier antics – in other words, no harassing Pitch. 

_‘I didn’t sign up for this…’_ he thought dejectedly. 

North continued, “Now, Sandy, Pitch, and Jack will search out hospitals for any records on Gaia.  
And Tooth, Bunny and I shall take care of Gaia.”

“Wait,” Pitch held up a hand, “You and that rabbit and fairy are going to watch her?”

“Yes!” North crowed.

Pitch was at a loss for words. The Pooka, Tooth Fairy, and the Cossack were going to be taking care of Gaia. Somehow this thought nearly reeled Pitch, the Boogeyman’s knees nearly giving out. He knew at least one of them was going to watch her, but _all of them?_

The girl in his arms gave her three babysitters critical looks. She no sooner screwed up her face and _hissed_ at them, clutching tightly to Pitch’s cloak. 

“I agree, at the very least, you two will not be watching her,” Pitch said, fixing a look to North and Bunny.

“Oi, what’s that supposed to mean?” Bunny sneered.

“It means I don’t like you,” Pitch deadpanned, “And neither does she.”

“Bah, we fix that! Everyone loves Santa!” North bellowed.

Gaia’s only response was to scowl at the Russian. 

“And besides, we have little choice in matter,” North continued, “You cannot take girl with you, and the sooner we get this done and over with, the better.”

Pitch groaned, but he could not argue with North. It was too dangerous to bring a baby with him, and like hell he was going to trust Jack or Sandy to keeping an eye on her. He supposed he should be thankful Tooth would be around, despite how flaky she was. They would only be gone for two hours at best anyways, what’s the harm?

What’s the harm…what’s the harm… _what’s the harm?_

“Pitch? Are you alright?” Tooth asked, concerned by the sudden pale complexion the Boogeyman had taken on. 

By the gods, what _wasn’t_ the harm? 

“…just take her before I change my mind,” Pitch rasped.

No one made a move to take her. Bunny, North, and Tooth all eyed one another uncertainly, while Sandy and Jack just quirked their brows at them questioningly. Pitch frowned, his grip on the confused Gaia tightening.

“Well? Don’t just stand there, take her!” He snapped.

The three jumped to attention, each giving the other even more apprehensive looks. Rolling his eyes, Sandy summoned his whips and cracked them at North. The Russian yelped as the sand rope wrapped around his beard and tugged him towards Pitch.

“Eek! Augh, alright! Sandy, be letting go of beard now!” North sputtered, slapping away the offending sand rope.

Sandy only gave a smug smirk. And ignoring the others, North held out his hands for the toddler. Pitch’s lips tightened, and he looked like he was about to take Gaia and flee the planet.

Gaia looked anything but impressed, and actually _growled_ at North. Pitch scowled, his brow twitching.

“Have you learned nothing from our last experience?” He growled, “Elbows out, palm up to support her head!”

North, resisting the urge to say something utterly foul and just where Pitch could stick his elbows, grumbled and complied. Pitch scoffed quietly, readjusting the Russian man’s arms again, before he carefully placed Gaia in his arms.

Two things happened then.

First, Gaia looked surprised as to how she ended up in North’s arms, blinking in bewilderment. Then her face scrunched up when she realized the person holding her was not her papa. Then she growled and her face turned red, her little body trembling slightly.

North looked a little panicked, “What did I do?!”

Pitch looked like he was about to respond, but then the second thing happened. 

With a grumbled sound, Gaia suddenly lurched and _spit up_ on North’s beard. Everyone stared in utter bewilderment, and some mild disgust, before Gaia settled and grinned in accomplishment to herself. She was the epitome of pride in that moment. 

If ever there was a time for Pitch himself to feel pride, now was the time – and it took every ounce of his willpower to not just snatch Gaia from North’s arms and get her all the cookies she could stomach. 

“Aw, would you look at that. She likes you!” He snickered instead.

North could only blink slowly, still stunned and mildly grossed out. Jack was openly clamping his hands over his mouth and trembling with giggles and chuckles. Bunny had a paw over his eyes, his head slowly shaking, while Sandy and Tooth just looked deadpan at Pitch; as if he had planned the whole thing. 

Gaia suddenly giggled and clapped her tiny hands, looking over at Pitch with a wide grin. Pitch guffawed and stroked the girl’s head.

“Oh yes, you are such a good girl! Show the fat man who’s in charge,” he crooned, tickling her belly. 

Tossing North a haughty smirk, Pitch crossed his arms and regarded the Russian man coolly. 

“There is formula in the fridge, and be sure she stays on track with her napping schedule. If she gets fussy, she’s usually just bored, but she may need to be changed,” Pitch listed off all the things Gaia would need while he was out, and what the others would need to do for her, “Try to be attentive with her, she is starting to get into everything and is making use of her hands. If you let her anywhere near anything sharp, pointy, or otherwise dangerous or overly colorful, I will cut you all open and strange you with your entrails.”

No one said anything, just stared at the Boogeyman with wide eyes while he said all this with a perfectly straight face and a pleasant smile. 

“And to include everything else, I left a list of things you need to do for her throughout the day while I’m gone,” Pitch pointed to a rolled up paper on the coffee table by the chest of Gaia’s toys, “Follow it to the letter, and you will have a 30% chance of surviving my wrath when I return. So no pressure!”

Going to Gaia’s toy chest, Pitch opened it and pulled out her stuffed horse. He passed it over the grabby handed girl, who happily took her best friend and hugged it tight. That big bearded man holding her better not take it from her…

“Now, any questions?” Pitch asked.

Everyone shared nervous looks between one another. It was as if they were afraid to ask…in fact, ‘as if’ nothing; they were afraid to ask. And it made the Boogeyman smirk. He loved the feeling of intimidation absolutely _dripping_ off of the Guardians. 

Eventually, everyone shook their heads.

“Good. Now, shall we be off?” He turned to the Sandman.

Sandy looked to North, who nodded slowly. Shrugging, Sandy summoned his sand plane and gestured for Pitch and Jack to follow. He pointed to a marked location on the map. _We’ll start here_ , he was saying. Nodding, Pitch turned back to the remaining Guardians.

“Good luck, and don’t screw up. Or else,” was all he said, before he vanished into a shadow, and Sandy and Jack flew out of an open window.

And now Tooth, North, and Bunny were alone. With a baby. Which they had to take care of. 

Crap, was their simultaneous thought. 

“Bah, it will not be so bad, isn’t that right, Gaia?” North crooned down at the child in his arms.

Gaia’s response was to scowl and make a disgusted face at the mess in North’s beard. She just spat that up, she didn’t want it anymore! 

“North, please clean that off, it smells something awful…” Bunny grumbled. Tooth rolled her eyes and held her arms out to North. The Russian reluctantly passed the baby into her arms before going to examine his beard.

“Come on, Bunny, she’s a baby, it’s all she knows how to do,” she said. Gaia made a noise reminiscent of a scoff, glaring at the fairy woman. She didn’t want to be held by them! She wanted her papa!

Huffing, she turned her head as far as it would go and looked around the Workshop. She studied the cozy room they were in, spying her chest of toys, her green and gold ivy embroidered blanket, and the other two Guardians. But she could not see that weird yellow blob person, the skinny cold person, or her papa.

_Where was her papa?!_

It started with a sniffle, of which the others took no notice of as they discussed what was going to be done by who. Then it became a whimper, and then a small sob. And by the time they noticed Gaia was upset, she opened her mouth and let out an ear-piercing wail. 

The three Guardians jumped at the shrill sound, looking down in panic at the wailing girl. Tooth held her at arm’s length, as if Gaia had suddenly turned into an atom bomb.

“What did I do?!” Tooth exclaimed. 

“I didn’t think you did anything!” Bunny snapped over the ringing in his ears, of which he was holding down against his head by his paws. 

“Check list!” North bellowed over the crying.

Bunny swiftly hopped over to the rolled instructions Pitch left them, praying it would have something on when and if Gaia cried. Unraveling the string around it, he was startled when said list unraveled and unrolled down to the floor in what had to be ten feet of parchment and ink.

“Crikey, what the-?!”

“Bunny!” Tooth yelled, trying to calm Gaia by rocking and bouncing her in her arms. So far nothing was working.

“Okay, okay!” Bunny snapped, skimming down the list for anything that could help, “Changing diaper, feeding, what NOT to do when she bites you, _CRYING!_ I got it!”

“Well what does it say?!” North bellowed, having a toy he was trying to entertain Gaia with thrown back at his head.

“Uh…! Oh! In case she’s crying, give her her horse toy!” Bunny read.

“She already has it!” Tooth exclaimed.

Gaia continued to wail and cry, her little legs kicking and face red. No, no, _NO!_ She wanted her papa! Where was he?!

Bunny read down the list again, “Uuh…rocking, bouncing, feeding, change diaper, singing…?!”

“What do we sing?!” Tooth asked helplessly. She set Gaia in her basinet in the corner, staring at the wailing child uncertainly.

“I don’t know! And no, we are _NOT_ singing a Christmas song!” Bunny snapped, glaring at North when the Russian opened his mouth to make a suggestion. He glared right back at Bunny.

“I don’t care what we sing! Just pick something!” Tooth snapped. 

“I don’t know any good songs! I still got Patrick’s bar singing stuck in my head!” Bunny snapped.

“North!” Tooth exclaimed, looking to the Russian helplessly.

“I only know Christmas songs!” He said. Tooth suddenly frowned.

“How can you not know anything outside your bloody songs?!” Bunny snapped at North.

“Guys…”

“Well why don’t you come up with something?!”

“I ain’t the Guardian of Songs that can Calm a Baby!”

“Guys!”

“You seemed keen on singing at parties!”

“Get your elves to quit spiking my drinks and I won’t!”

“Oh for the love of…” Tooth groaned, before she brought her index finger and thumb to her lips, and blew, “ _THWEEP!_ ”

The two males suddenly stopped arguing, and slowly turned to look at Tooth with wide eyes. The fairy gave them deep scowls, her fists clenched at her sides.

“Guys…” she growled through gritted teeth. 

“Yeah…?” Both males asked, suddenly wary. 

They suddenly paused, realizing something. It was…quiet. No crying, no wailing, nothing. It was dead silent.

_‘Have I gone deaf?’_ They both thought.

“Guys,” Tooth said again, “Where…is Gaia?”

“What?”

“Where. Is. Gaia?” Tooth said, before she pointed to the basinet. Both males looked at the basinet.

It was empty. 

To be continued…


	10. Chapter 10

“We’re dead…”

Moments ago, Tooth, Bunny, and North were busy trying to figure out how Gaia got away, when she got away, and where she was. The moment the three Guardians noticed her missing, the entire room was spontaneously turned upside down in their attempts to find her. But after ten minutes of searching, Bunny seemed to resign himself and sat in the middle of the room in a miserable haze.

“We’re dead…” Bunny muttered again, sitting rather hopelessly in the middle of the room, resigned to his fate. 

“Nyet! We are not dead!” North shouted, turning over the couch for what had to be the tenth time in his search for Gaia – she still wasn’t under it, “We will find Gaia before they get back, everything will be just fine!”

“Pitch is going to _kill us_ , mate…”

“Well if _someone_ would quit feeling sorry for himself and help us look, maybe we won’t have to die!” Tooth snapped in a rare display of agitation as she searched the large bookcase for the little girl. 

Bunny glared at Tooth, but no sooner groaned and got back to looking. He hated to admit it, but she was right. Feeling sorry for himself wasn’t going to give him a chance at living the rest of his life in moderate sanity. He might as well at least try to save his own skin. 

“Where could she be?” Tooth rasped, looking inside a large vase by the window, “How did she even get out of the basinet?!”

“I do not know,” North grumbled, groaning as he found nothing in the trunk near the fireplace, “Girl is clever.”

“Girl is _evil_ …” Bunny growled.

“She isn’t evil!” Tooth protested, planting her fists on her hips, “She’s only a baby, she doesn’t know what she’s doing.”

“She hates us,” Bunny pointed out.

“She does _not-!_ ” Tooth groaned, rubbing her forehead, “She has _preferences_. Not that I can blame her, look who she has to work with. We can’t even keep an eye on a baby for two minutes without losing her…”

Bunny made as if to protest, but North cut him off with a muttered ‘don’t’. The boys sighed, dejected. As much as it pained them to admit it, Gaia just did not like them. The only one she loved beyond measure and allowed anywhere near her was Pitch. She only tolerated the Guardians on a good day – and those were few and far between. Most days she just spat up on them or scowled at them. 

It was quite a bit disheartening to know a child didn’t like them…

Tooth sighed, “Maybe she left the room…?”

“How? The door’s closed.” Bunny pointed out, gesturing to the closed door. 

“Then where did she go?” North asked in exaggeration. 

Right at that moment, an elf scurried out of the open elf tunnel in the corner near the bookcase, carrying one of Gaia’s bottles and happily chugging the formula. It passed by the stunned Guardians, and vanished into the second tunnel on the other side of the room. 

They blinked, looking to one another in stunned stupidity.

Pitch was going to _kill_ them…

****

**

~s~S~s~

**

****

Slipping away from those dummies had been nothing short of child’s play. The big dumb fat man, the giant fur ball, and the annoying bird-lady hadn’t been looking when she climbed out of her basinet and plopped right onto the floor. It had hurt a bit, but she sucked it up and made a quick beeline for the little tunnel door those weird short people that liked to eat her formula used. 

Gaia had to admit, they were the weirdest and ugliest babies she had ever seen…

But she shook the thought off, crawling further down the tunnel in determination. She was, after all, on a mission. And a baby on a mission was a very serious baby that needed to remain serious.

Her mission? Find her papa.

She had obviously been kidnapped by those three idiots, why else would she be with them? Certainly her papa wouldn’t leave her with them willingly. Thankfully she was still in a place somewhat familiar to her, so finding her papa and telling him to go teach those three dummies a lesson should be easy enough. 

She crawled further down the tunnel, coming to a fork. She contemplated the two tunnels for but a moment before going down the left one. 

She paused for a moment, pushing open the door blocking her way down the relatively short tunnel. Peering inside, she cocked her head.

It was a room…with lots of stuff, is what she deduced. Though what this stuff was, she honestly could not say. All she knew was that a lot of things were spinning, jumping, twirling, and a few things were even growing and shrinking. Weird metal wheels with blocky spokes spun and meshed into one another, while large pistons pumped and jumped steadily like marching soldiers. 

Steam hissed from a pipe to her left, startling the girl. She scowled at the pipe; how dare it scare her. Huffing, she crawled further into the large room, staring up at the various metal contraptions and confusing arrays of wiring. 

Was her papa in here perhaps? 

She frowned, uncertain as she planted her butt on the floor to think. Considering she was just a baby, this was a great effort on her part. 

So far, nothing was coming to her small mind, and she glared at the metal contraptions around her. This place was dumb, she thought. There aren’t even any toys to play with! And her papa wasn’t here either!

About to get up and leave, Gaia paused, looking up. Her eyes widened, reflecting in them the long lever with the bright, candy red ball at its top.

Was that her ball? How did it get down here, she wondered. Then she scowled; those weird dummies probably took it and stuck it to that stupid stick for some stupid reason. Cheeks puffing, Gaia pushed herself up onto her unsteady legs, and quickly reached up to grab onto the long metal stick. 

Hmm, her ball was quite high up. If she could just pull the stick down though…

****

**

~s~S~s~

**

****

“Gaia?”

Bunny peered into yet another elf tunnel, but still, no little girl was present. The Pooka sighed, grumbling to himself. He wondered why exactly he was calling for her to begin with. Likely if she heard him, she’d turn tail and crawl away from him. 

He and the others had split up some minutes ago in the hopes of having a better chance of one of them locating Gaia, and he somehow ended up looking in what North dubbed, ‘the wrapping room’.

He groaned, scratching his head as he looked around. Boxes littered the entire room, along with hundreds of rolls of different Christmas themed wrapping paper. In the back of the room were several conveyer belts, and a dozen or so machines they led into. The wrapping machine, as North called it, was effective and saved much time for the Yetis and elves, giving them more time to work on toys and other things.

It was shut off right currently since the Christmas season was over. That, or perhaps an elf broke it again – that seemed to happen a lot. 

Bunny paused, ears lowering. Oh Moon, what if Gaia was caught in one of the machines? What if they weren’t just off, but broken because her little body was somehow wedged somewhere in the deadly mechanisms?!

“Gaia?!” Overcome, Bunny sprinted onto one of the conveyer belts, peering his head into the machine.

He looked around, but was unable to see anything but the exit where wrapped presents were spit out, and some very strange arm-like mechanisms that he could only assumed wrapped the boxes.

“Gaia?” He called, crawling in a bit further, “You in here, sheila?” 

Biting his lip, Bunny sniffed the air, but found no traces of her scent – he was certainly grateful he didn’t smell something like blood or something equally concerning. But he did smell something; it was faint, like he was just picking up its scent through a crack in the wall.

What was that… _baby powder?_

_Clank!_

“Eh?” Bunny startled, freezing as the machine whirred to life around him.

It vibrated and trembled under him briefly, before it settled into a steady hum. The strange arm-like contraptions inside sprung to life, a long roll of wrapping paper sliding in through a slot over Bunny’s head.

The wrapping machine was on…and Bunny was _inside of it._

“Aw CRIKEY-!”

The poor Pooka never stood a chance…

****

**

~s~S~s~

**

****

Gaia growled, glaring at the red ball and stick, now turned down to her level. It was odd, the weird stuff around her had made strange noises when she pulled the stick down, and now everything was moving fast and pumping steam. And did she just hear someone yell a minute ago?

She huffed, glaring at the red ball. Wait, wasn’t her ball green? And this ball was hard; her ball was soft and bouncy. 

Huh, guess it wasn’t her ball after all. 

Oh, look, another door! 

Dismissing the weird ball and stick, Gaia crawled for the new door just hidden between a few pistons. She easily squeezed through, and pushed the elf door open. 

Now this room looked a bit more interesting. Sort of – there were lots of boxes, but too much colorful paper. It was a bit nauseating. 

Nose scrunched, Gaia crawled out of the wrapping machine, looking around. A thump was heard, and she looked up.

The machine rumbled and sputtered, as if it were having a bit of trouble with what it was supposed to be doing. And she could hear someone inside the machine…?

Ooh, they were saying bad words. And words she didn’t know were bad or not. What did ‘crap’ mean?

She blinked as the other side of the machine trembled, the square vent groaning as it worked to push something out. She stared in both parts awe and surprise as a rather long, lumpy thing wrapped in candy cane wrapping paper was spat out and onto a table. A metallic arm reached out of the machine, holding a large, garish red bow. It slapped the bow onto the rump of the wrapped thing, startling a muffled yelp, before it retreated back into the machine. 

Gaia blinked, brows raised. That…was by far, the weirdest looking present she had ever seen. And it was…moving?

“Ugh…!” a pink nose poked out of one end, the other end tearing as a puffy tail broke loose. 

Bunny groaned, dazed and wrapped up tightly with tape and industrial strength wrapping paper. He made a mental note to kick North for making such strong paper…

“Guh, aw my aching…!” He paused, sniffing the air. He looked down over the table.

He gasped, seeing Gaia sitting just below him.

“Gaia! Oh thank the Moon, where have you been?” He snapped.

Gaia did not look the least bit impressed with the Pooka.

He groaned, “Aw forget it, just…” he struggled, trying to break free of the paper, “Just…hang on, I’m going to take you back with me to your room as soon as I…!”

Gaia blinked slowly, like a very bored cat. She looked around in the same bored manner, then back up at Bunny. She cocked her head, as if contemplative. Bunny continued to struggle, but found himself unable to escape his candy cane printed prison.

“Just…! H-hang on, I almost…!” he looked down, but no sooner blanched as Gaia made to get up and crawl away.

“W-wait, wait! No, don’t leave! Gaia!” He called, struggling like an overturned caterpillar. 

Gaia looked back at Bunny, her expression flat. Bunny pleaded with his eyes, mentally begging her not to just crawl off and leave him like this. It was bad enough they lost her, but now he found her and she was trying to leave while he was trapped in the binds of horrendous Christmas paper and tape!

“Gaia, seriously, j-just wait there, okay?” He pleaded, giving a strained smile, “I-I promise! Once I get out, I’ll, uh…I-I’ll give you chocolates! Yeah, you have any idea how great my chocolate is? I’m the Easter Bunny, no one makes candy better than me!”

Gaia seemed to think on his words, as little as she understood them…

…and Bunny was soon crushed, as Gaia turned her little rump on him, and crawled right off.

“Wait! N-no! Gaia! GAIA!” He yelled, wriggling and squirming as she crawled for the open door of the room.

“No, wait! GAIA! No! Bad girl! Sit! Stay! I-WHOA!”

Gaia ignored the Pooka, and didn’t so much as look back, not even as he fell off the table and landed on his back. She huffed; served the dummy right…

Bunny groaned, his ego and body pained, trapped, and the brat had _rejected_ his chocolates. No one ever said no to his candy! The very nerve of that girl!

…he blatantly ignored just how creepy he sounded when he ran the situation through his head. 

He hoped the others had better luck than he did at catching Gaia…

To be continued…


	11. Chapter 11

“Gaia! Little Gaia! Please be coming out now!”

North groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. Another room searched, and another dead end. He had checked every room that had an elf tunnel from top to bottom, and yet there was still no sign of the mischievous little girl. Even with the help of his Yetis and elves, he was having no luck in finding Gaia.

“Phil, you checked everywhere?” The Russian asked.

Phil grumbled in equal parts dismay and frustration, all the while partly wedged under a guest bed – of which Gaia was most certainly not under. 

North sighed, looking up at the clock mounted on the wall. He cursed heatedly.

“We do not have time for this!” He bellowed in exasperation, “Sandy, Jack, and Pitch will be back soon, we must find her!”

Phil rolled his eyes, tugging himself out from under the bed with a groan. The burly Yeti scratched his head as he watched North pace like a caged animal. He grunted at his boss, and North stopped to face him.

“Nyet, she could not be in lower levels – there are no elf tunnels going down that deep,” he muttered. Phil grumbled another suggestion, and this time, North seemed to consider.

“Stables…yes! We shall check stables for-!” North paused, as did Phil, at the sound of a heavy rumbling and a crash.

Both blinked, and Phil lumbered back into the hall and to a protruding pipe in the wall. He barked into it, and got another equally garbled reply. He looked at North and spoke in a stunned tone.

“Disturbance in wrapping room? Strange…” North shrugged, “You go check out wrapping room with others, I shall check stables!” 

His orders given, North lumbered out and made his way down the halls towards the stables. But before he could even step foot into the lift to take him to the stables, he was stopped. North looked to his left and at his office door – the office door that was always closed at all times, yet right now stood slightly ajar.

A sound was heard inside, like one of his tools being knocked over. North frowned.

_‘Did elves sneak into office again?’_ He grumbled, reaching for the door.

He had to be looking for Gaia, but he was only going to be a minute to scold his elves, usher them out, and lock the door…

 

****

**

~s~S~s~

**

****

 

Gaia would never admit that she was a bit lost.

She was a stubborn baby, as hard to believe as that was. And she was prideful – a very odd concept considering she couldn’t be more than three months old and was still in diapers. But, nevertheless, when it came down to it, Gaia would never admit to being lost or a bit scared.

But she was lost. And she was scared. And she couldn’t find her papa. _Where was he?!_

The baby girl whimpered, plopping down on her butt in exhaustion. She was tired, and her hands and knees hurt from crawling so much. She wished she was able to stand and walk like the adults, but any and all attempts were met with failed results. She was hungry too…

Gaia looked around the hallway she found herself in, tired and cranky. No one was present in the hallway, much to her relief. Those Big Dummies (for that was what they were) could find her and take her away again. She didn’t see any of the big hairy things, or the weird looking other baby creatures either. 

A door to her left opened though, and she tensed. But she no sooner scowled. 

The elves, carrying a few plates of cookies and a bag of pilfered tools, paused as they caught sight of Gaia. All three of them blinked, curious. Weren’t North and the other Guardians looking for her? 

One elf made an inquiring, babbling noise. Gaia replied back with her own irritated whine. The elves looked at one another again, before another replied back.

The strange, infantile conversation went on for a solid five minutes, before all four reached an agreement. The elves handed over one big cookie to Gaia, and she agreed to keep her toothless mouth shut if anyone asked if they went into North’s office. They even shook tiny hands on the agreement, and the elves went on their way. 

But they left the door to North’s office open, Gaia noted. She cocked her head, curious, and wondering if she should go inside. Maybe her papa was in there?

“Phil, you checked everywhere?”

Gaia gasped, head veering around down the hall. They were too far to see, just around the corner, but she heard the words loud and clear. It was The Big Red Dummy! 

Said Dummy’s heavy footfalls could be heard coming down the hall towards her, and Gaia’s mind was made up long before she started crawling for the office. She didn’t have time – or the strength – to close the heavy wooden door, and instead made a beeline under the worktable. She almost cringed as she hit a dropped ornament on her way there, making a slight noise, before she vanished under the cluttered table. 

And not a moment too soon. 

North – aka The Big Red Dummy – lumbered into the office with suspicious eyes. They narrowed as he took in his office.

All seemed to be in order, and everything was where he last left them. Although the large red tool box on his bench was open and looked as if it had been riffled through. He grumbled, shuffling to his toolbox while muttering about naughty elves and installing a new lock. 

Under the table, Gaia peered slightly out and up at North, scowling at the Russian as he checked over his tools. What a dummy…

Huffing quietly, she went back under the table and decided to go out the other side. Maybe if she was really quiet, she could sneak around North and escape, and resume her mission of finding her papa. 

She paused, however, her eyes landing on something shiny and dangling right there in front of her over the back edge of the table. Her eyes widened, sighing out a quiet ‘oh’. 

It was _shiny_. It was _dangling_. She had to _touch it!_

She shook her head. No! She had to resist! She was a big girl! She didn’t need to touch shiny things anymore!

…but it’s _shiny._

Who cares?!

It’s _shiny!_

It can wait!

_Shiny!_

NO!

_SHINY!_

…okay, fine. 

Shakily rising up on her knees, Gaia reached for the shiny gold ball attached to many smaller, equally shiny gold balls. Her tiny hand waved as she stretched up to grab at it, straining as her fingers just brushed over it…

Above her, North cursed and was grumbling about elf-proofing his office. He sighed, putting all but his missing few tools away.

“Cannot get worse than this…” he huffed.

Gaia caught the tiny ball, but then lost her balance and fell forward, yanking on the metal string.

A string which was attached to a very powerful, magical chainsaw on the table. 

And with such a swift tug, the chainsaw started right up with a roaring rev, startling both North and Gaia at the loud noise. North cursed as the chainsaw writhed, its teeth catching on the numerous projects and items on the desk. It seemed to become rabid, spinning and flipping as it caught on numerous items.

“What in Manny’s name-?!” North exclaimed. 

Gaia yelped as the string was yanked from her hand as soon as the rumbling and whirring started up. She pouted, but no sooner cringed as the noise increased and was accompanied by The Big Red Dummy’s yelling. She was about to plan her next move of escape, but paused when what appeared to be a remote controlled car skidded to a stop in front of her. She blinked at it, confused, before hearing a hiss at the door.

The three elves from before waved her over, one of them – the leader supposedly – held the remote for the car. He gave an indistinct warble, and Gaia finally understood. She wasted no time in clambering onto the car, clinging to its plastic surface. The car wheels twisted as it backed up and out from under the table, stopping to turn around. 

North looked down at that moment from trying to catch his chainsaw.

“Gaia?!” He exclaimed.

_Uh oh_ , Gaia thought. The jig was up. 

North made to grab her, but the elves were faster. The car accelerated backwards, twisting around furniture, unfinished projects and toys. North, however, was not so maneuverable. 

“GAH!” The Russian tripped over and crashed into various items, stubbing his toe numerous times in his pursuit of the mobile baby. 

“Gaia! Gai-OW! Gaia, please be stopping now! You are being naughty!” North yelled.

Gaia only scowled and blew a raspberry at North. At the door, the elves giggled as they drove Gaia around the room, North lumbering after her like a three legged elephant. But they suddenly cried out, and Gaia yelped as they made her take a sharp turn just in time to prevent the chainsaw from falling on her. 

Instead, its startup pulley got caught on the back fender of the car, and was now being towed by Gaia’s car. 

North cursed loudly, skidding to a stop to prevent his feet from becoming ribbons. Both paused, staring at each other in surprise. Gaia looked to the elves, who stared back, then she looked back at North. She suddenly smirked.

And with a baby battle cry, she pointed to North, and the elves complied. Tiny engine revving, they drove Gaia towards North at full speed. 

North cried out and turned, rushing in the opposite direction to escape the _psycho baby with the chainsaw!_

“NO! Gaia! Stop! Bad girl!” He yelled.

Gaia only laughed, the chainsaw cutting deep gouges into the floor, and cutting clean through anything it happened to fly into. Chairs tumbled over as their legs were cut off, toy parts scattered as they were demolished, and the rest of the furniture erupted stuffing from deep cuts. 

North yelped and stopped as Gaia turned and came around to meet him behind the table, that evil, _EVIL_ smirk upon her face. North eyed the heavy table, and with a high pitched sound he would later deny making, he scrambled atop the table for safety. 

But Gaia was not deterred, and instead seemed to circle the table like a shark around a sinking boat. North cowered above the little girl, clutching at his half-finished ice sculpture of the Eiffel Tower for dear life. 

“GAIA!” He bellowed, “ENOUGH OF THIS!”

Gaia only huffed, making her last round and stopping at one side of the table. The car stopped, and North actually wondered if she had finally decided to show mercy towards Santa.

He was stupid to hope.

His table creaked and rumbled ominously, and North looked down at it with wide eyes. He gulped as he heard something snap, then yelped as one end of the table collapsed, causing North to slide down the table until his chin connected with the floor. And no sooner did his Eiffel Tower join him, tipping back until it fell heavily against his back with a glass shattering crash. 

Pinned under the icy bulk, North groaned, greatly uncomfortable with his new position. But he no sooner ‘eeped’ at Gaia, who was parked a few feet from him to his right. The car engine revved in time with the chainsaw. 

And North just then noticed his precious beard was in a full splay against the floor – right in Gaia’s path. 

“G-…Gaia…” he squeaked, “Ah…please be stop being naughty now?”

Gaia’s smirk widened, and she looked over at the elves. Giving a squeaky battle cry, the elf with the remote slammed on the accelerator, driving Gaia’s car forward at top speed.

North screamed. 

To be continued…


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo...as is becoming customary, I had updated this on my FF.net page, but forgot to do the same thing here. This new chapter has been up on my FF account since January 2nd. I am a horrible person and deserve your wrath. QwQ
> 
> But please enjoy this...not-quite-belated update? What do you call something that was updated one place, but late in the other? O.O'
> 
> ~S~

_“This is stupid…”_

“Baby-Tooth, this is not stupid.”

_“This is stupid.”_

“Baby-Tooth…”

_“It’s STUPID!”_

Tooth sighed in exasperation, trying to ignore the pouting Mini-Fairy perched on top of one of the numerous miniature Christmas trees in the Globe Room. Instead, she tried to focus on finding Gaia by checking under pieces of furniture, opening cabinets, drawers, and peering behind and under bookshelves and tables. So far, neither of them have found any sign of Gaia. They did, however, find a bit of couch change, a fancy pen, a mint, and a stale half-eaten cookie between the couch cushions. Tooth also found an earring, but could not recall any of her colleagues having pierced ears…

“Baby-Tooth,” she started, checking the mantle of the oversized fireplace – no Gaia there either. “If you’re going to complain, at least do it while looking for Gaia, please? The others will be back in two hours at best!”

Baby-Tooth sighed, but had to concede. She couldn’t take after Bunny in this case and just accept her fate…

Tooth, meanwhile, found herself running out of places to look. So far, she and Baby-Tooth had checked the lounge where Gaia had disappeared from, her own and the other Guardians’ rooms, the Elf Tunnels (mostly Baby-Tooth), the reindeer stables, even some of the Yeti’s rooms! The Globe Room was only going to be added to the places they failed to find Gaia it seemed, and Tooth was finding herself at her wits end.

_‘Pitch is going to kill us! Not that I would blame him…’_ she thought in despair. Though if she were honest, she was more afraid for Gaia’s safety than her own. She was only a baby, and North’s Workshop wasn’t exactly a child-friendly place (ironically). It was practically a magical version of a construction site, and no child is ever safe in those!

_‘Urgh! Damn it, THINK! Where would she go?!’_ Tooth paced in midair as she wracked her brain.

Both she and Baby-Tooth were too distracted to notice the small remote-controlled car passing by the Globe Room and heading to the kitchens…

****

**

~s~S~s~

**

****

Gaia and her new friends quietly and sneakily traversed the many halls of the Workshop. The Elves, experts in infiltration and the dark art of sneaking, easily evaded lumbering Yetis and frantic Guardians. Gaia was quite impressed with them, and they her; who knew such a small baby could cause so much chaos? She was now a proud and honorary member of their group, and had even given them names!

But before anything else could be accomplished (like escaping this dumb place and finding her papa), Gaia had asked her companions if they knew where she could get food. Her stomach was rumbly and uncomfortable, and she fought back the urge to cry and get the attention of someone bigger to feed her. 

No, she was a big girl now and could feed herself! And besides, her new friends knew where to get food, and without any big dummies to bother them! 

_“We gotta be sneaky though!”_ the leading Elf, Bug, warned. _“The large hairy ones run the kitchen, but they should be on break now.”_

Gaia wasn’t too sure why a big hairy person would be on something broken, but so long as she got food, they could sit on all the broken stuff they wanted!

Their driver, an Elf Gaia dubbed Bah, steered their car past the large Globe Room and towards the kitchens. Neither the car, nor the tiny wagon they had attached to it for room made a single sound to alert anyone nearby. The third elf, Hum*, kept a sharp lookout for any pursuers.

None were seen so far thankfully, and with a rev of their tiny engine, Gaia and the Elves pushes through the kitchen doors and found themselves in a pristine, empty kitchen. 

Gaia saw no food though – she could see some of her bottles up on the drying rack by the sink, but they were empty!

_“This way!”_ Bug said, hopping out of the wagon and trotting to the fridge. His cohorts helped Gaia out of the wagon before following.

Bug tugged open the fridge, Hum and Buh grinning in excitement at all the goodies inside. Gaia, however, was not too enthusiastic. That wasn’t milk! 

She made her displeasure known, and the Elves, suddenly remembering that Gaia was a baby and, upon examination, had no teeth, realized they would have to get creative. They regarded the fridge’s contents. Hm, that sandwich wouldn’t do. There was a gallon of milk, but weren’t babies supposed to have a certain kind? Eggnog? No, that’s not right. Did North maybe have baby food?

_“There!”_ Hum suddenly pointed to a large mixing bowl in the fridge. Bug and Bah followed his pointing finger, and grinned at the large bowl.

_“Pudding!”_ they exclaimed. 

All three got to work easing the bowl out of the fridge. Thankfully it was on the first shelf, and while it was a large and heavy bowl, the three Elves combined made little work of it. Now set on the floor, they offered the chilled chocolate to Gaia after tearing off the cellophane wrap over the top. 

_“Pudding is yummy!”_ Buh said, _“Gaia will like!”_

Gaia cocked her head as she watched the Elves dunk their hands in and swallow handfuls of the pudding. She had no idea what pudding was – it honestly looked gross. But it also looked like mud? She liked mud, so maybe it would taste okay…

Deciding to give it a try, Gaia stuck a finger in and, after giving it a small sniff, daintily licked the pudding off her finger.

Her eyes widened.

While it may look like mud, it tasted a million times better, and on this day, she swore she would eat nothing else but pudding for the rest of her life!

Squealing happily, Gaia dug both hands into the bowl before the others ate it all. Bug and Hum eventually broke off to go find other things to eat, easily scaling the counters and cabinets with practiced ease. Buh went back to the fridge for something else, and quickly found a whole gingerbread house near the back of the fridge, its icing setting.

Jackpot, Buh thought with a wide grin. 

Bug and Hum were heard riffling through the cabinets and loading their looted spoils into the little wagon attached to the remote car. Gaia paid them no mind though, too enraptured by the wonderful food known as pudding. She did, however, watch out of the corner of her eye as Buh struggled to pull the gingerbread house out of the fridge. She contemplated helping him, licking the chocolatey goop from her hand, but startled at a loud garbling noise at the door.

Gaia and the Elves froze, turning to look at the door. The two kitchen Yetis gaped at the intruders, and the Elves and their cohort stared back. Hum dropped the jumbo-cookie he had in his arms, and the moment it hit the floor and shattered, all hell broke loose…

****

**

~s~S~s~

**

****

“Ugh, this is ridiculous…!” Tooth rasped, slamming a linen trunk shut and plopping down on it with an exhausted sigh.

Over by a Christmas tree, Baby-Tooth lay sprawled over a decorative cookie tin and warbled in agreement. How could a baby evade them so easily? The entire Workshop was full of Elves and Yetis, all of whom were looking for Gaia at North’s behest. Yet not a single one had come to find her and tell her the little girl was found. 

Come to think of it, Tooth hadn’t heard from either North or Bunny in almost two hours. She was starting to get worried.

She sighed, standing and brushing her feathers flat. “Maybe we should find the others and regroup…”

Baby-Tooth chirped wearily, pushing herself up to kick her tired wings into gear and join her queen. But both she and Tooth startled, their crests flaring when a loud crash and a distinctly Yetish curse was heard a small distance away. Both blinked, looking to one another in surprise.

“Did you just hear that…?” Tooth inquired uncertainly.

Baby-Tooth nodded dazedly. Another crash was heard, and both pinpointed it to the kitchen. Suddenly reenergized, Tooth and her fairy bolted for the kitchen in a flurry. The noises, curses and yelps grew louder, followed by crashing cookware, breaking glass, and what sounded like…

“Gaia?!” Tooth called, shoving the kitchen doors open in a panic.

Her panic only increased when she took in the scene before her…

Two kitchen Yetis were trying, and rather spectacularly failing, to catch three mischievous Elves that had infiltrated the kitchen and were creating quite a raging mess. One Elf was valiantly, and loudly, swinging from the cookware rack above the center island, brandishing a spatula and wearing a small pot on its head. An unusually nimble Elf was giving the other kitchen Yeti a run for its money as it chased the cackling Elf over the counters and over appliances. Said Elf nearly threw the Yeti off its tail by throwing gobs of what looked to be cookie dough at the Yeti’s feet and nearly tripping it up. The third Elf was, to Tooth’s eternal shock and disbelief, seemingly reenacting Mad Max with nothing but a remote-control car towing a small wagon full of sweets. The kitchen was a right mess, food and sweets spilled all over the floor and plastered to the walls. A large mixing bowl lay broke and spilling what Tooth hoped was pudding on the floor. And just near the broken bowl was the remains of a decimated gingerbread house spilling out of the open fridge.

_‘What in the name of Manny…?!’_ Tooth thought dazedly. 

Baby-Tooth was just as stunned. But from her slightly higher vantage point, her heterochromatic eyes caught movement atop the high cabinets circling the entire kitchen. She blinked, looking up at the green and brown blur she had seen. Her tiny face blanched of color, and she cried out to her queen and pointed up at the baby crawling atop the ten-foot-high cabinets.

Tooth looked up, and immediately felt her heart simultaneously leap into her throat and drop through her feet.

“GAIA?!” she screeched in worry. 

The named baby paused and looked down. Her dark brows scrunched into a scowl as she took in the baffled fairy woman. Uh oh, the jig was up – again! 

_‘Must escape!’_ she thought.

And like a pint-sized rocket, Gaia was off and crawling at full speed down the top of the cabinets to reach one of her companions so they could escape. 

“Gaia!” Toot scolded, bolting up to reach the little girl. She yelped though when a pan was thrown at her, and she looked up to find the Elf hanging from the cookware rack scowling at her and armed with more projectiles. Below the Elf, the Yeti who had been trying to grab it was now franticly trying to escape the remote-control car now armed with a cheese-grater…

“What is going on in here?!” Tooth screeched – no sooner yelping and ducking when a frying pan was thrown her way.

The second Yeti trying to wrangle the counter-hopping Elf could only bark a garbled and confused reply. They had just gotten back from lunch and found their kitchen being raided by three Elf terrors and a baby! 

Tooth was stunned, if not completely taken aback by this sudden turn of events. Her feathers suddenly flared, and her brows creased into a scowl. Said scowl was aimed at the monkey-like Elf in the cookware rack. It cackled and threw another pan at Tooth. But it suddenly blanched when, instead of ducking out of the way, the fairy queen shot a hand out and grabbed the heavy pan by its handle. The glare she levelled the Elf could have melted the frying pan.

And with a battle-cry worthy of a bat out of hell, Tooth charged into the fray, frying pan blazing…

****

**

~s~S~s~

**

****

Meanwhile, a certain Russian could be found stomping his way down the halls of his Workshop with a couple of his Yetis on his tail. Said Yetis were armed to the teeth with military-grade caviar vests, helmets, catch poles, and one held what appeared to be a net-gun. Both were looking a little conflicted, their gazes landing on anything else but their livid and frantic boss. North, carrying one of his sabers, kept muttering about ‘naughty little girls’ and something about asking the doll-making Yetis to fashion some kind of a beard-wig…

_‘Little Gaia is on naughty list FOREVER…!’_ he thought, peering into yet another empty room. So far, his search for the little girl was proving futile. And when confronted with yet another clock, he felt his confidence drop just a bit more as the inevitable became more and more apparent.

Pitch would be back within an hour – less if he was feeling antsy, which he likely was. They had promised to take care of Gaia, and yet they somehow managed to lose her not even five minutes after Pitch leaves!

_‘Is not too late to retire…’_ North thought weakly. _‘Is not too late to pack up and move to Moon Temple in Himalayas…’_

“Help!”

North and his Yetis paused, blinking dumbly at the strained call for help. They only registered the voice when it called for help again. Recognizing it, North bolted down the hall and took a purposeful turn into a small lobby. Stomping to the large set of double doors labeled ‘wrapping room’, he threw them open and stepped inside.

“Bunny?!” he called.

He reeled back, the Yetis behind him barking in shock and dismay at the mess they were confronted with. Wrapping paper was strewn everywhere, and one of the wrapping machines – which was to remain shut down till March – was still spewing wads of paper and fully wrapped but empty boxes.

“North?!” The trio startled as a pile of wrapping paper and empty gifts moved. A pair of familiar grey ears poked out of the pile, rotating to catch where they were.

“Bunny?!” North rasped. He quickly barked at his Yetis to turn the wrapping machine off before he waded through the papery mess and towards the buried Pooka. He quickly pushed away the mounds of paper and empty gifts, finding his friend tightly bound in candy-cane themed wrapping paper.

“What happened?!” North barked as the machine was finally turned off.

“What do you think happened?!” Bunny snapped, wriggling like an overturned caterpillar. “That little _beast_ happened!”

North blinked dumbly. “Gaia did this?” he asked.

“Yes! I found the little brat in here after-!” Bunny paused, blinking up at North. “Did you _shave?_ ”

North felt his face flush red, and he resisted the urge to touch his once proud beard. It was mangled and lost more than half its former length, and a few of the ends were burnt and curled from his chainsaw’s heat…

“Never mind!” North bellowed. He reached down and yanked Bunny up onto his bound feet. He cut the paper down the middle from Bunny’s chin down to his feet with his sword, freeing the Pooka from his confines.

Bunny groaned in relief, rolling his shoulders and stretching his back. “Oh crikey, _thank_ you…!”

“Where is Gaia?” North asked, “When did this happen?”

“I don’t know where the brat is!” Bunny snapped, shaking his foot out to get the blood flow back in it. “I’ve been trapped in here for over an hour! I don’t even know what time it is anymore!”

So Bunny saw Gaia before North did, the Russian thought. That means he has been in here since they split up – nearly three hours ago. North cursed internally, turning to his Yetis.

“Find Gaia! Get all Yetis out on patrol!” he ordered heatedly, “And find Toothy as well. She could be hurt or in situation like this!”

His Yetis were about to bark an affirmative, but both paused as the walkie-talkies on their vests crackled to life. They paused, listening to the message from one of their Yeti colleagues, and barked to North urgently.

“The kitchens?” North asked. The Yetis nodded.

“What about the kitchens? This is not the time for a snack!” Bunny snapped. North ignored the Pooka and marched out of the wrapping room towards the Globe Room.

“Yetis report disturbance in kitchens,” North said as the others trailed behind him. “It might be Gaia. They also report she has recruited help from The Scrooges*.”

“Wha- the _what?_ ” Bunny asked.

“Band of three Elves who enjoy making Christmas difficult. They are _naughty,_ ” North said darkly.

Bunny decided not to comment, despite how many jabs he could make at both the irony and the sheer stupidity of it all.

“And Tooth?” he asked as they entered the Globe Room’s lounge area.

“Yetis think they heard her and little fairy in kitchen where disturbance is,” North said, his face darkening. “When I get hands on naughty girl, I will-”

“You will _what?_ ”

All four froze in their tracks, hackles rising and hearts plummeting to their feet. Slowly, all four heads turned to the lounge area. One of the windows was being closed by a worried looking Sandman, and Jack was looking at the four of them with wide, stunned eyes. But it was the tall, lean shadow standing with arms crossed and face set in a hellish scowl that had the Guardians and Yetis shrinking in on themselves. 

It was the firelight behind Pitch, they told themselves. It was just the firelight; Pitch did not actually look like he had Hell itself behind him, _it was just the firelight…_

The four hairy (and one not-as-hairy) men swallowed thickly, sweat collecting along their necks.

Daddy was back…

****

**

~s~S~s~

**

****

Tooth yelped as she veered around a flying – and somehow running, _how in Manny’s name was it running?!_ – blender thrown her way. The two kitchen Yetis had long since abandoned the fight, supposedly to get help. She certainly hoped they were getting help, because despite the fact that her opponents weren’t even two feet tall, she was having serious trouble defeating them.

Baby-Tooth was down – or rather, she had been downed by a flying ball of cookie dough, and was now plastered to the ceiling. One Elf was manning some sort of contraption it had fashioned with a high-power egg-beater, a rolling pin, a salad bowl, and somewhere in there it worked in an electric drill. Whatever it was, it was launching eggs and other food-products at Tooth faster than what should be possible. Another was helping load said contraption with projectiles, and the third was, for the moment, missing.

“You little-!” Tooth snarled, swinging her beaten and bent frying pan at the oncoming egg. “You stop that right now or I’m going to- _AH!_ ”

Tooth yelped and had the wind knocked out of her as a large flour sack was shoved off of the top cabinet she had been hovering by, and slammed brutally to the floor in a cloud of powdery white. Coughing, Tooth groaned as she weakly pushed herself up, her chest aching from the impact. She no sooner scowled hell and brimstone up at the giggling Elf who had shoved the flour sack on her and had turned her beautiful, iridescent feathers white.

“You…!” she snarled, teeth audibly grinding and fury rising. The Elves suddenly looked cowed as the fairy woman rose, feathers bristling like porcupine quills and frying pan handle bending under her death grip. “I am going to nail you to the counter and remove your eyes, teeth and tongue with a rusty…!”

Tooth’s face turned red, and unable to finish her own threat, screeched like a harpy and rocketed at the Elf on the cabinet. It screamed in horror as she grabbed it by its hat-suit and lobbed it across the kitchen and nailed the two stupefied Elves and their contraption. Snarling, Tooth raced for the dazed and terrified imps. One yelped and grabbed a fork for defense, but the fairy queen snatched it up along with its fork and shoved it headfirst into the nearest toaster. Said toaster exploded in a frenzy of sparks and electricity as the fork-armed Elf was shoved inside and turned into toast itself.

Another Elf screamed in terror as Tooth grabbed it and, with a furious arm swing, slammed it like a ragdoll against the oven, knocking one of its knobs off and turning the burner on. She wasted no time in throwing it into the freezer afterwards. 

And then there was one…

Tooth slowly and menacingly turned to look at the terrified, trembling Elf. It swallowed audibly, face pale and knees knocking. Tooth’s crest flickered in warning. The Elf, eyeing the swinging doors of the kitchen just a few feet away from it, suddenly found courage and bolted. Tooth smirked. Her hands shot for the knife-block on the counter beside her, and with a practiced ease, she threw the knives at the fleeing Elf.

It was only a couple inches from the door before the knives hooked precisely into its hat-suit and pinned it to the wall. It hung there a few inches from the floor, shaking, eyes wide; unhurt, but certainly traumatized. A wet stain formed in the front of its suit. 

Panting through her teeth, Tooth smirked in victory, arms falling to her sides in exhaustion. The kitchen was entirely quiet now aside from some still weakly running appliances. The Elf in the toaster was still sparking and smoking.

Tooth sighed in relief, her body aching and bruised from her spill on the floor. 

“Manny’s teeth…” she rasped.

She paused however when Baby-Tooth, still plastered to the ceiling, chirped shrilly and urgently at her queen.

“What?” Tooth asked, looking up at her Mini-Fairy. Baby-Tooth chirred and pointed her beak to the higher cabinet near the stove. Tooth looked over and felt her feathers rise.

Gaia, her battalion defeated, looked like the caught mouse in the trap. She swallowed as Tooth levelled a furious glare at the baby girl.

“You…” Tooth gritted out, wings kicking into gear to take her up and grab the naughty girl. “Are in so much _trouble…_ ”

Gaia yelped and made to crawl away on top of the smoke-stack of the oven. But she did not count on how much damage the kitchen had taken, or how weak the support was. The moment she crawled onto the steel platform, it buckled and tilted, dumping her over to one side with a shriek.

Tooth felt her heart drop into her stomach. Gaia was falling. A fall onto the stove could break fragile bones or worse. She suddenly took note of the stovetop and felt something akin to an internal scream loose in her chest when she caught sight of the lit burner on full heat.

And Gaia was falling _right above it._

“ _ **GAIA!**_ ” Tooth was moving before the little girl’s name could leave her mouth in a frantic scream of terror. 

It felt like everything was moving in slow motion, but Tooth would later never recall a time she moved so fast in her life. Her wings screamed in protest as they were pushed to an extreme she did not know existed. Her arms shot out as the fiery maw opened up for Gaia. Tooth did not even register the burning blue flames against her forearms, nor the sudden bite of the fire as Gaia’s weight pushed her arms down to make contact against the burner’s iron coil.

She only had the sense of mind to catch Gaia and then _immediately_ pulled her back and against her chest away from the burner. Her little body was tense, locked up in shock and fear from her fall and the momentary burst of heat against her back. 

But the moment she was pulled away from the flash of heat, time seemed to catch up to them both in a bursting gasp of adrenaline-fueled relief from Tooth.

The fairy queen trembled, staring at the burner top like it was evil itself incarnate, clutching Gaia to her breast in what must have felt like a death grip to the little girl. Tooth was shaking profusely, completely oblivious to the burnt feathers, raw skin and spots of blood on the backs of her forearms. Instead, once she fully registered that all of Gaia was in her arms and not on the fire, she looked down and loosened her hold just enough to see her.

Gaia blinked, eyes opening from their closed position as she slowly uncurled and relaxed her body. She blinked dazedly down at herself, now realizing she was no longer falling. A burning smell caught her attention though, causing her nose to screw up and her eyes to water. She was safe; dazed but unhurt.

Tooth felt tears of relief and leftover terror sting her eyes. Trembling, she made the girl look up at her as she spoke.

“Are you okay?!” she rasped, looking Gaia over – lifting her little arms, turning her this way and that, checking her feet, legs and hair. “Are you hurt anywhere, Gaia?! What were you thinking?! How did you get up there?! Don’t ever do that again, young lady! Do you understand me?! Do not ever endanger yourself like that ever again!”

Tooth sobbed, hugging Gaia tightly to her breast. Her feet touched the floor for only a second before she collapsed and folded onto he knees on the kitchen floor. Gaia blinked, stunned and briefly confused. She managed to get a brief look up at the cabinet she had been on top of, as well as the broken and tilted stack. Then she saw the lit burner. And as young as she was, she somehow knew fire was bad. Fire hurt and scarred and brought pain. And she somehow knew she would have landed right in it if she had not been caught by her babysitter. 

The smell of burnt feathers and damaged skin caught her attention, and the baby girl felt horror and tears burn behind her eyes as she caught the tiniest glimpse of the damage to Tooth’s arms.

That could have been her. Those burns could have been on not just her arms, but her entire body. That could have been her, bleeding and burnt, her papa helpless and likely oblivious to her injury…

Gaia started shaking, vision blurring. She could have been really hurt, and the bird-lady saved her and got hurt…

She didn’t even have time to sniffle or even think to stop her tears. Gaia simply opened her mouth and cried, arms shakily coming up to wrap around the bird-lady – Tooth’s – neck. She sobbed and wailed for the fairy queen, her infantile brain unable to express how sorry and scared she was. She only knew her babysitter was hurt, and it was somehow her fault. 

Tooth sobbed along with the baby girl, but managed to get her own frantic emotions under control. She sniffled and forced herself to calm down for the baby girl in her arms – as scared as she had been, it was over now, and Gaia was safe. She had to calm down, find the others, and fix this whole mess before Pitch got back. She couldn’t sit here and cry all night. 

_‘Ow…!’_ she thought as the adrenaline left her and her arms started to register severe pain. She suddenly knew she had been burnt badly, but called up her warrior queen persona and had the pain shoved to the back of her mind.

Taking a deep breath though her nose, she held her arms as still and secure as possible around Gaia and regarded the sobbing girl.

“Gaia, sweetie…” She quickly cleared her throat so she didn’t sound so broken. “Honey, look at me. Look at Toothy, sweetie…”

Gaia whimpered, face red and eyes puffy, but she made herself look at Tooth. The fairy queen smiled weakly, relief overriding her pain and all leftover panic. 

“I need you to be a brave girl for me now, okay?” Tooth asked, “I need you to be a good girl for me so we can get you back to Pitch and sort all this out. Can you promise me not to run away now?”

Gaia sniffled, not fully understanding in her emotional state. But she somehow knew Tooth was asking her to be good and to comply with her. She nodded, little hands clutching at the feathers of Tooth’s collar. She leaned down and buried her face in the soft feathers, tired and wanting to hide. 

Tooth’s smile widened slightly, a tiny bubble of bemusement percolating in her chest. Taking a deep breath again, she pushed herself to her feet, wincing at the stinging pull of her burnt arms. She regarded Baby-Tooth, who was looking at her queen worriedly.

“Baby-Tooth, I need to-”

The fairy queen startled when the kitchen doors flew open and the kitchen Yetis from before, plus Phil barged in. All three were armed with pool nets and…was that a tranquilizer gun?

Tooth blinked dumbly along with the Yetis, before Phil broke the staring contest with a demand to know what had happened. Tooth groaned.

“It’s under control now…” she sighed, “Sort of…”

Phil barked and garbled a response, and Tooth’s hackles rose.

“What?!” Tooth rasped, “He’s back?! Already?!”

Phil grumbled an affirmative.

Tooth internally cursed. Manny damn it, Pitch was back, and both she, Gaia and no doubt half the Workshop was a mess right now. Not to mention her arms – Pitch was going to ask about the burns, if for no other reason than because Gaia may be injured as well. 

_‘Not the time to panic!’_ she thought, reining in her resolve.

“Okay, okay…” She looked at the Yetis. “I need to care of Gaia and get her cleaned up. Phil, does North have any burn salve?”

The Yeti nodded, eyes wide as he just then seemed to take note of the fairy’s burns. 

“Okay, good. I need you to bring that to the bathroom next to Gaia’s nursery,” she said, then added as an afterthought, “And a sweater. And a change of clothes for Gaia. The rest of you try to clean up here as much as you can. If we can get away with her clean and uninjured, Pitch might not kill us, understand?”

The Yetis nodded in agreement, though the kitchen Yetis looked anything but enthusiastic. Tooth could not blame them.

“Okay, let’s move!” she said, flitting for the door. She paused and looked back at Baby-Tooth, then the Yetis. “Please get Baby-Tooth down first…”

Baby-Tooth whistled in exasperation. Tossing one last apology to her fairy and the Yetis, Tooth flitted out to get Gaia cleaned up and her injuries tended to.

****

**

~s~S~s~

**

****

“Where is Gaia?” Pitch growled.

“Ahh…” North swallowed thickly, he, Bunny and his Yetis shuffling from foot to foot nervously. By the gods, what were they going to _say?!_

Behind the impatient Pitch, Jack and Sandy looked on in worry. They had taken note of the armed Yetis and the rather frazzled – and shaved – state of North and Bunny. Bunny also appeared to have a sticker-bow on his butt, and at any other time, Jack would have been laughing hysterically at him and the haphazardly shaved North. But he did not see Gaia or Tooth, and the other Guardians were nervous as hell. Jack and Sandy looked at one another nervously.

“Little girl is…” North cleared his throat, struggling to find words. “Ah…”

“Yes?” Pitch growled, hackles rising.

_‘Shit…’_ Jack thought. Something happened, he just knew it.

A tug at his pants caught his attention, and Jack looked down at Sandy, who was discreetly pointing to the door leading out to the dining and kitchen area. Jack looked up and felt relief settle over him. Tooth waved meekly at them, Gaia held tightly in her arms – which, from their distance, did not look right, but they could not make out what the dark coloring on her arms were. 

Jack mouthed to her, “What happened?”

Tooth waved her hand in a ‘later’ motion, before gesturing to Pitch. He was standing at a vantage point relative to the door where he would see her if she flew past. She needed him to turn around if she wanted to get through the door, into the Globe Room, and to the door leading to the hall to Gaia’s room. Jack and Sandy nodded.

Sandy waved to get North and Bunny’s attention, forming various sand images over his head.

“Uh…” North’s eyes flickered between Sandy and the looming Boogeyman. “Gaia is…Toothy is…”

Sandy formed a bathtub and an image of Tooth.

“Ah! Toothy is in shower!” North crowed. Jack and Sandy smacked their foreheads.

“I don’t care where the bird is, I want to know where _Gaia_ is,” Pitch snarled.

North was starting to sweat, and Sandy changed his image to include a wrapped baby.

“Oh! Oh, uh, yes! What I meant to say was, Toothy is bathing Gaia now! Haha…” North swallowed thickly. 

Pitch’s eyes narrowed, and he loomed over Bunny and North suspiciously. Jack and Sandy were looking to him and Tooth frantically. Pitch was focusing too much on North and Bunny, Tooth would never get past him.

Jack groaned, shoulders slumping. Tooth owed him after this…

“Why are you two acting so-GAH!” Pitch reeled back, hands going to the back of his head. He snarled, veering around to glare at Jack, snow falling from his hair.

“What?!” he snapped. 

Jack shrugged. “You had something in your hair…”

While Pitch’s back was turned, Tooth rushed out of the door, past the Globe Room – shooting the stunned North and Bunny a meek smile – and vanished down the next hall on foot so as not to make any noise. 

_‘Sorry guys…!’_ She made a mental note to do something nice for the boys if they survived Pitch’s wrath. But now she had to get to the bathroom, quickly bathe Gaia, clean and dress her wounds…

Gaia whimpered in her arms, having seen Pitch and thankfully making no sounds. But she obviously missed him and wanted to see him, and looked on the verge of tears again.

“No, no, no! It’s okay! We’re just going to get you all clean first, then you can see Pitch, okay? Don’t you want to be clean for him?” Tooth asked, nudging the bathroom door open with her hip.

Gaia whined, but conceded. She was tired, miserable and confused right now. Maybe a bath would help. And while she was being soaped up in the sink, a knock was heard at the door, followed by a Yeti grumble.

Tooth answered the door, relieved to find Phil there with bandages, burn salve, a clean night gown and booties for Gaia, and a sweater.

“Thank you so much, Phil!” she said, taking the items and shutting the door on the stunned Yeti. She quickly applied the burn salve, sighing in relief at the cooling sensation it brought, bandaged her arms, and unfolded the sweater.

“Really?” she groaned. Of course, what else could she expect from a Christmas Workshop but an ugly Christmas sweater? 

_‘Oh whatever!’_ she thought. She quickly bathed and dried Gaia, dressing her in the new clothes Phil brought. Gaia put up very little fuss, seemingly too tired to do much anything but warble and let the fairy queen dress her.

“Yes! All done!” Tooth said in victory. She quickly threw on the sweater – it was oversized and hung over one shoulder and past her hands, but it would work – and picked Gaia up in her arms. 

“Okay, let’s go see Pitch, huh?” she said, turning and opening the door. Gaia gave a happy squeal, and Tooth felt her face blanch.

Pitch, arms crossed and looking like he was holding back every ounce of hell itself, scowled down at the fairy woman. The other Guardians and Yetis were huddled behind him warily.

Tooth blinked. “Uh…”

Pitch was not impressed, but looked down at the tiredly wiggling Gaia in Tooth’s arms. His expression visibly softened, and everyone hoped he calmed down when he saw she was uninjured and clean. He seemed to inspect the baby girl in Tooth’s oversized-sweater clad arms, before his shoulders relaxed and he held his hands out.

“Give her here,” he said.

Tooth swallowed, apprehensive at first, and still riding a wave of protectiveness from the kitchen incident. Nevertheless, she relented and held Gaia out for Pitch to take. The Boogeyman gently scooped her up and brought her to his chest, where she happily babbled away and tugged at his cloak.

The last bit of tension in his body finally seemed to melt away, and the ominous cloud hanging over them all vanished.

“When did she last eat?” he asked.

“Uh, oh, I was going to feed her after I bathed her,” Tooth said.

Pitch’s eyes narrowed, but he did not question the vague dodge to his question. Gaia was happy, clean and did not seem distressed. She was tired, obviously, and may not have taken her nap out of stubbornness. He could let that slide, he supposed…

“Fine then,” he said, turning to the other Guardians. He quirked a brow, seemingly just noticing their frazzled states.

“Love the new look, North,” he deadpanned, eyes sliding over to Bunny. “And as charming as it looks, I do not believe that bow belongs on your behind, Pooka.”

Both Guardians flushed, Bunny not-so-discreetly reaching down to tear the bow off his butt and crumple it up in his fist. Pitch regarded Tooth then, causing her crest to rise.

He looked her up and down, expression deadpan. “Why on earth are you wearing that garish thing?”

Tooth bit her lip, trying not to look down at the bright red, cotton ball-snow spattered, reindeer face felted monstrosity on her body. 

“I was cold…” she said. 

Pitch rolled his eyes. “Weirdos…” he muttered, silently dismissing them all as he finally marched down the hall to get Gaia’s dinner – or was it breakfast?

The others slumped in relief. Bunny and North slid to the floor, while Jack leaned over his staff and Sandy thumped the back of his head against the hallway wall. The Yetis all deflated and Tooth could only slump in relief.

“Toothiana…”

They all straightened again, heads veering to look up at the Boogeyman who had paused in the hallway. Tooth blinked, face flushing as eclipse eyes regarded her.

“…you did well,” he suddenly said.

Tooth blinked. “Huh?” she said dumbly. Pitch rolled his eyes.

“You bathed her and held her, and yet Gaia did not seem distressed or like she had been crying,” he said in exasperation. And deciding no further explanation was in order, he left. 

The others blinked, mentally counting down the years they shaved off of their life expectancies during the night. Bunny groaned, putting his face in his paws.

“I need a drink. I need _ten strong_ drinks…” he rasped.

North mumbled an agreement, touching his beloved, mutilated beard. Tooth seemed like she was still too stunned by Pitch’s parting words to really register anything else. The relief was palpable though, and the Guardians silently resolved to get the messes cleaned up as quickly and quietly as possible, and then sleep for a year.

“What the hell happened to the kitchen?!” Came Pitch’s voice from the kitchen.

Or, they thought, they could all jump out the nearest window and hope the fall kills them quickly…

To be continued…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1.) Hahah! Get it? ‘Bah’, ‘Hum’, and ‘Bug’? I’m so original…
> 
> 2.) Yes, Bug, Hum and Bah earned themselves a sort of gang name. You can't make this stuff up.
> 
> ~S~

**Author's Note:**

> Gotta love stress relief fics 83
> 
> Read and comment please!
> 
> ~S~


End file.
